Aadi Yug (1978)

So you think you've seen it all? You consider yourself a cult movie aficionado? Well, forget it. You haven't experienced cinema until you seen Aadi Yug, a Bollywood caveman film several years before it became trendy with such movies as Quest for Fire and The Clan of the Cave Bear - and Ringo Starr's Caveman of course. I've seen worse Bollywood movies, for example the unbelievable Shaitani Dracula (review will come sometime in the future, when by brain damage has healed), but Aadi Yug and it's impressive stupidity will forever affect my life - both physical and psychological. So what the hell is this movie about? I have no friggin' idea, but here is what I could understand in-between my panic attacks and hysterical laughter:

Year one, the first two humans appears, a chubby Indian dude and an Indian gal with long hair. They are naked... kinda, because the lower half of the screen is covered with the ugliest matte paintings ever made - just to cover their white underwear (oups, yeah, they are seen several times). During one scene the matte painting disappears a bit early and we see how the lower part is covered with a thin layer of Vaseline. I guess they added the matte paintings later one when they saw that it was possible to see the underwear. ANYWAY... finally they mate (illustrated with the camera zooming in and out on a rock wall) and years later an early civilisation has raised from the depths of evolution. What happens next is that a whole fight between Frankenstein's monster and Baragon is lifted directly from Frankenstein Conquers the World, to show how a caveman is fighting a dinosaur! And that sets the tone for the rest of the movie, pure insanity!

Basically this is a movie that shows the everyday life of a caveman, or a cavewoman. Love, happiness, wrestling and watching black & white lizards with dinosaur-make up on a projected screen attacking. You know the deal. And every SECOND of Aadi Yug is smeared with the hysterical music created on an electric organ (you know the machine your grandma had a in corner and only used on Sundays?). I'm entirely sure I want to call it compositions, because some of it is just plain improvisations and some are just the automatic rhythm section being played in the background! It almost becomes hypnotic and my mind started to imagine what I could do if I found the master tapes: a triple disc limited edition of the soundtrack? Liner notes by Jason Meredith?

...that was a great idea until my partner, G, looked up from his computer and said: "I would like to meet the people behind this movie and ask them what their vision was?". Yeah, that would be a very good questions. I have no idea how this movie ever came into production. How did they raise money for a script-less movie without real dialogue (it's only screams and grunts), nothing of those typical Bollywood song and dance-numbers and actors so ugly they could kill a nun by looking at her!

Aadi Yug is incompetence in the form of  caveman-movie and I dare you all to sit through it! Now I have done it so you wouldn't have to. Be grateful, very, very grateful for that!