Bond 303 (1985)

Another day, another Jamesbondish movie! The bad words I read about Bond 303 made me even more curious, because I learned to never trust the opinions about hired writers with little or no knowledge in genre cinema. I’m happy I didn’t believe the opinions out there, ‘cause Bond 303 feels like essential viewing for aficionados of world weird cinema. This is not Jeetendra’s first venture into Bondland, He got his big break with 1967’s (THE year of Bond rip-offs!) Farz as Agent 116. He returned several times to the world of espionage, ladies and action – but maybe never as far-out like this big slice of Indian cheese.

Terrorist attacks all over the world. Planes, trains, houses are blown to kingdom come by unknown rockets! The one to call is India’s super agent Bond 303! When the first meet him he’s occupied with a dozen ladies and they all burst out in an intensive sing- and dance number! Bond 303 befriends a young smart scientist, played by the cool Parveen Babi (who later, tragic enough, became very mentally ill and accused more or less everyone for trying to kill her. She died of complications from diabetes in 2005) and they start to gather information about the evil organization behind it all. But someone wants to stop them and sooner than you can say “curry” they are in grave danger!

I read somewhere that it’s important that Indian movies deliver “entertainment”. They should give the audience a good laugh, some sexy men and women, song and dance, scares and action – all in the same film. Not every Indian production are built after this format, but Bond 303 is definitely a good – no – GREAT example of how an Indian (in this case, a Hindi) movie can be. Colorful and filled of energy, this is one of those movies that cuts down on boring scenes and goes from action to dance to action and a chase to some romance and more action. It never waste one second on something people won’t pay to see, like an original script or convincing special effects. But in the whole, that’s pretty uninteresting.

For me who just loves LEGO hair cuts and sudden changes in the storyline, Bond 303 is a dream come true. For example, one sequences almost perfectly copies the dog scene from The Omen, you all know on the graveyard. But instead of our hero finding a Jackal skeleton in the grave he finds a secret passageway, which leads to an underground temple were he and his comic relief is attacked by living life-size statues! Well, I guess they’re statues anyway. They are stiff when they’re not moving at least. This is of course totally absurd, but it obvious has some purpose to the story because they kill a suspect terrorist down there. In another scene one character flees from Bond 303, but instead of get the hell out of there he finds himself a grotesque monkey-monster suit (it looks more like one of the Goblins in Troll 2, but taller and more Bigfootish) and attacks Bond 303 dressed in this, roaring like it was no tomorrow. Genius, god damn genius!

Bond 303 also has super strength when he jumps from a high rise building and lands on his feet and continues to run. Everything leads to a classic Jamesbondish show-down in a huge underground lair, which is pretty impressive considering the budget.

The film has a big body count, lots of stunts and explosions, miniatures (probably stock footage), song and dance and a couple of awesome Kung Fu fights in slow-mo and probably the worst female impersonation ever committed to the screen (by our hero no less). It’s out on VCD and can easily be found. You will not regret watching it!