Kickboxer vs. The King of the Kickboxers!

No, this is not some re-edited Thai movie "directed" by Godfrey Ho (but if it existed I would be the first one to watch it!), it's just me who had a weekend filled of cheesy kickboxing on the TV! I've been in a Jean-Claude Van Damme phase recently and decided it was time to watch Kickboxer (1989) again after approximated 150 years. I probably watched it the last time as a young teen on a censored VHS and most of it was erased from my memory by now.  In all honesty, I kinda stayed away from the kickboxing phenomenon at its peak. I felt it was too repetitive and just an excuse for stiff actors to try too look cool on the screen. I preferred (and still do) the more creative and imaginative Hong Kong cinema where everything was used in the fights and not just two dudes kicking each other in the face for 90 minutes.

What makes Kickboxer work is the presence of a very innocent looking Jean-Claude Van Damme and a cheesy, but honest, story about a young man, Kurt, who wants to take revenge on his brother (played by Dennis "The Terminator" Alexio) - who got his back broken during a fight against the dreaded Tong Po - and becomes a student under the slightly mad Xian (Dennis Chan). In a series of tests and exercises Kurt learns to control himself and be the best kickboxer in the world! And he also listens to the ghosts of Ayutthaya and flexes his muscles under water.

Kickboxer is very, very silly. But the story is timeless and the gorgeous locations makes it a nice movie to look at. It almost borders to parody and the drunke dance scene with JCVD is a sight to behold. But Van Damme is a good sport and it's quite visible that he's giving it all, even when the scenes is more than embarrassing both for him and the movie itself. The fighting is pretty decent also, but it's hardly the most spectacular ever filmed. Van Damme is excellent, but both him and the rest of the fighters seemed to be held back. Maybe the director is to blame for this. Still, it's a damn fine little action-drama and Van Damme is doing a better performance than he's credited for in countless reviews.

A film that doesn't hold back on the fights is The King of the Kickboxers (1990), which more or less is a remake of Kickboxer, just with the added concept of snuff filmmaking into the mix. This time goofy-looking Loren Avedon wants revenge on his dead big brother who was killed by the evil, evil, evil Khan (Billy Blanks) and heads back to Thailand to be taught by mad drunk master Prang (Keith Cooke) and, to quote myself "In a series of tests and exercises Jake learns to control himself and be the best kickboxer in the world!". And like Van Damme's Kurt he also runs around in the ruins of Ayutthaya, finding his inner self. TKOTK is a lot bigger and fancier than Kickboxer, more advanced, Hong Kong-inspired fights and explosions - but it's very similar to the 1989 classic. Several locations look the same also - and two actors worked on both of the movies.

It's a lot of fun, but the cockiness of Jake is more annoying than the more subtle, human Kurt. A lot of it is for fun, for a laugh, but it always irritated me when Americans come to some Asian country to show them that Americans are bigger, better and stronger. But I guess it's part of the genre. TKOTK also have a few interesting character actors showing up, Richard Jaeckel and Don Stroud, and both Loren Avedon (doesn't that sound like a soap or something) and Billy Blanks is awesome during the fight scenes. But it still lacks "it". That special kinda movie magic, that passion.

Kickboxer, a more modest and less bragging film, still goes winning from this fight. Much like the character of Van Damme. It has less action, but more heart.

In the Line of Duty (1986)

I can honestly say that the one that opened up the Asian cinema for me was Jackie Chan. Yeah, really. It's not that surprising. He's famous, he made some truly spectacular action movies and the team around him, actors and crew, all are stars in their own rights. Through Jackie I also discovered Michelle Yeoh (or Michelle Khan as she was known as on my video tapes at the time),  not only an excellent actress but also a fantastic fighter and stunt person. I don't remember which of her movies I saw first, it could have been Magnificent Warriors or maybe even Supercop (well, it's a Jackie Chan movie, but Michelle is the best in it), but sometime after seeing the great Yes, Madam I saw In the Line of Duty and after many, many years I bought myself a DVD of it (in Germany, this weekend by the way) and watched it again...

Michelle Yeoh is Michelle, a Hong Kong cop who can fight. During a flight the plane is hijacked, but she and her colleague Michael (play by Michael Wong) together with a Japanese Interpol agent, Yamamoto (the always brilliant Hiroyuki Sanada) takes care of the problem - but it leaves them in grave dangers when the hijackers two blood-brothers decides to take a bloody revenge on them! Michael falls in love with Michelle and Yamamoto wants to go home and repair his troubled relationship with his wife, but life isn't easy when professional killers is getting closer and closer...

To quote myself on Twitter: "Royal Warriors w. Michelle Yeoh might be the best martial arts film ever made." Yeah, I used another aka-title there, but it's still the same movie. And today, after having a good nights sleep and enjoyed Obama's speech this morning I will say the same thing. It's up there with the best of the eighties: Police Story, Tiger Cage II, Dragons Forever etc. What's even better with In the Line of Duty is that it keeps itself quite serious, compared to my other favourites up here. Sure, we have Michael Wong being mega-silly as the guy falling in love with Michelle, but even that story ends in disaster and at least Michelle keeps herself serious. But that's it. The rest is a very brutal and bloody revenge-themed story with tons and tons of action, and not just fights - this has everything.

One thing I adore with Hong Kong movies from the eighties is how every car chase ends up on a suspicious abandoned freeway outside Hong Kong where a dozen slightly disguised scrap cars gets tossed around like toys! The stunts are awesome and it looks better and bigger - but still cheaper - than a lot of Hollywood productions from the same time. At the same time the traditionally foot chase after the car chase ends up in gritty, cinematic, Hong Kong back alleys, which makes movies like this almost become surrealistic when it comes to the visual style. In the Line of Duty also delivers a couple of fantastic fights - that hurts! - and an ultra-violent shoot-out at a night club. Squibs, stunts and exploding glass, what more can you ask for?

Oh, and that scene with the chainsaw... it looks dangerous for real. Very impressive stunt-work and like all good Hong Kong actioneers, it looks like it hurts a lot during that fight!

What's even more interesting is how the baddies are portrayed. They aren't just normal, boring, terrorists - they're friends that promised each other to always help each other out - or die together. They do it because of passion and their own fucked-up logic. That makes even their story so much more touching and interesting and it's easier to see why they're just keep going. Because a normal terrorist often just wants money or have some kind of political statement to tell, but these guys just cares about each other. How about that, Hollywood?

I have the German DVD under the title "Ultra Force - Hong Kong Cop" from Eyecatcher Movies. It's a beautiful and uncut transfer, with original language track and English subs. A must in your martial arts collection!

The Super Inframan (1975)

I'm sure no one, not even Eiji Tsuburaya , would expect what was gonna happen after the TV-series Ultra Q (1965) and it's spin-off, Ultraman (1966). No one knew the legal hassle that would follow in Thailand and with Sompote Sands and nowadays even the oldest fart actually believes that Power Rangers is an American only product. But in-between all this Shaw Brothers decided to try their luck in the Tokusatsu-genre with the absurd, crazy and 100 % wild The Super Inframan - with a little help from Japanese cinematographer Tadashi Nishimoto and Ekisu Productions who did a lot of costumes and special effects for Toei during this time.

Demon Princess Elzebub (Terry Liu) wants to conquer the earth and after destroying a couple of cities just to show her power she unleashes a (small) army of monsters, The Skeleton Ghosts and Ice Monsters, to take care of the rest. What she don't know is that Science Headquarters has been working on a secret weapon, Super Inframan - based on the body and mind of high ranking officer Lei Ma (Danny Lee). When the Plant Monster attacks their secret base Super Inframan must get into business fast and soon he and his merry men is fighting rubber monster after rubber monster, all more dangerous than the one before!

The Super Inframan is a fantastic production, carefully copying Japanese shows like Ultraman and Kamen Rider, but still keeping a Hong Kongnese identity with lots of kung fu and a nice cast consisting of - among others - Danny Lee and Bruce Lee-wannabe Bruce Le. Even if it has two scenes with big monsters, this is not the vision with the movie. Instead it's human-sized monsters dominating and having close-up battles with both Super Inframan and his colleagues at the Science Headquarters. The energy is even higher than the Japanese counterparts with tons and tons of fighting and melodrama that takes a new turn every fifth minute or so. It's a very colourful film with imaginative monsters and action around every corner.

What I miss is the giant monsters. Sure, we have the Spider Monster doing a battle with Super Inframan at some desolate place, just crashing a few electrical lines - and the Plant Monster is doing his stuff at the beginning - not to forget the footage of burning and destroyed cities, but that's about it. All the other monsters stay true to their size and seems happy with just lurking in the bushes and attacking our heroes when they least expect it. This doesn't mean it's a cool and awesome movie, but those expecting big monsters should be prepared and ready for a minor disappointment.

This is what I call a movie you should be watching with friends, like almost every form of Tokusatsu p. It's made for being a social movie, something that will be even more enjoyable and brilliant together with other fans of the same kind. It's not a deep story and there's not even an hint of a message (not what I could detect), which is quite nice sometimes. Everywhere it's mentioned that Goliathon (aka The Mighty Peking Man) is some sort of a sequel to this one, and while it's a brilliant and crazy monster movie I never found any really proof for this. It's just a monster movie set in China, just like this one (ah, and once again Danny Lee in the lead - but without using his Super Inframan powers) and I highly recommend you all to watch it - and squeeze in The Oily Maniac if you want an awesome triple feature!

Don't Play with Fire (1980)

Tsui Hark might be some legend inside the fanboy-community of Hong Kong movie-nerds, but most (not all) of Hark's work has left me cold and uninterested to see more. I really love We're Going To Eat You and Twin Dragons with Jackie Chan is a great action-comedy, but all of his historical stuff - except Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame - is boring and on autopilot. But I'm willing to change my mind if there's something that attracts me with the project, and Don't Play With Fire seemed like something in my taste, mostly because it's early Hark and also belonged in that dirty, gritty crime genre that always looks so good when shot in Hong Kong.

Three nerds, trying to be cool, is out one night and accidentally runs over a man. He dies directly and the boys flees the scene. But a weird young woman, Pearl (Chen Chi Lin) witnesses their crime and forces them to help her in her crazy ideas, involving bombs and scams. One day they steal Japanese bank papers belonging to some foreign criminals. Soon the Triads knows about the valuable papers and after trying to take out the cash the police takes interest in the boys. But it's also Pearl's older brother Tan (the brilliant Lieh Lo) is the police leading the investigation. An innocent night out just turned even uglier...

Don't Play With Fire is a sensational movie. It feels as fresh today as it must have felt in 1980. The ONLY bad thing with the movie is the two scenes of very, very, very unnecessary animal cruelty - first towards a mouse and then a cat (even if I think the cat-scene seem fake, just clever editing - but what the hell do I know?). So skip those scenes when you see them coming. My pathetic retelling of the story up here just doesn't make the movie justice. This is such a complex study is characters and fuck-up's that it deserves every fucking prize every made just because it shows a world so bleak, cynical and brutal - without hesitating. Don't expect any happy endings here boys and girls, this is it.

Hark and his crew shows the backstreets and rougher neighbourhoods like I never seen it before. The directing is filled with energy and creativity, far from the soul-less spectacles he directed later on. This is human, this is funny and very black. It makes a quite good double bill together with Chatrichalerm Yukol's Gunman, another ultra-realistic crime-drama from Thailand starring Sorapong Chatree (read my review here), but Hark's movie is way more darker and nastier.

Even if the story aims more at drama and some black comedy, it has a lot of graphic violence and action - but not the spectacular Hong Kong action of course, but realistic and bloody. Never trying to make it beautiful or seem harmless. If you get a beating in this movie your face swells up like a blood-filled balloon and a shot in the belly makes you suffer. The final, on some kind of graveyard, is among the best I've seen with fantastic cinematography, edgy action and nasty surprises. I also likes how the filmmakers just fucks the idea of who's gonna die first. This is very far from traditional filmmaking-conventions.

Don't Play With Fire is a friggin' masterpiece, and this time I really mean it. Close your eyes during those animal-scenes, but watch the rest and be stunned how effective and well-made this movie is. From now on it's up there among the ten best movies ever made in Hong Kong. 

Ninja Killer (1974)

I've included the wrong year of this production, because Ninja Killer was probably released in the early eighties, but the movie it uses the main bulk of footage from was released in 1974 under the awesome title Karateciler istanbulda, starring the one and only bad-ass Cüneyt Arkin! Karateciler istanbulda was probably bought cheaply by Filmark who then shot new footage with Carter Wong and Bolo Yeung. Contrary to what the rumours say, Godfrey Ho was probably not involved in this (or what I know, any of Filmark's productions) and the director of the new scenes could have been a nobody with the name Victor Lam or maybe it just was an alias for Tomas Tang himself. I'm pretty sure we will never know.

The story is, for a Filmark production, quite straight-forward and the new footage fits in quite good to the Turkish movie. It's something about Hong Kong gangsters who smuggles antiques out from Hong Kong to Turkey, and the Honk Kong police sends a cop to assist Cüneyt Arkin catch the smugglers and at the same time some gangster boss in Hong Kong wants to take revenge on Bolo Yeung, who I think is a cop also... or maybe a gangster or... hey, do you know what? Just read Teleport City's ambitious try to explain the story here.

I must confess I never even tried to understand the stories in many of these flicks. I'm just waiting for the next cool action scene and that might explain my lack of ambition when it comes to this boring part of explaining the storyline. Because Ninja Killer is actually a very cool movie, and highly recommended. First of all, which we all knew deep inside: the Turkish original footage is WAY more cooler than the newly shot Hong Kong footage. The fights and random action performed by Arkin is extremely cool, very violent and with frantic fight scenes. The Hong Kong stuff is quite ok, but Bolo is fighting sideways like he's Doctor Zoidberg (they kinda look like each other to actually) and there's not love, no passion in the fighting. But it works and it's never boring.

Karateciler istanbulda also looks like an Italian cop-movie, with the same colourful characters and creative directing - except it has tons and tons of kung fu. Arkin is pretty good in what he does, and kills one baddie after another with convincing movie-kicks and a nice bitchslapping-attitude.

The final action scene is on top of roofs, and it reminded of a smaller version of the Jean-Paul Belmondo vehicle Fear Over the City. It looks quite dangerous in parts and I can't see any silly stunt doubles helping Arkin out when he rolls towards the edge of the roof or kicks the shit out of the bad guys.

Another fine thing with Ninja Killer is the fantastic soundtrack of electronic music. One of the tracks is, for example, something by Yellow Magic Orchestra. The use of a synth version of Flight of the Bumblebee is, to quote Teleport City, "really not much different than if they’d just slapped “Yakety Sax” onto the soundtrack".

Ninja Killer is out on a cheap-DVD in the UK, from InstantVision Ltd (IVL). The quality is really fine. Fullscreen, but clear and crispy (I always wanted to use the word like all the other home cinema nerds out there) and a lot better than I thought it would be. Probably taken from a digibeta master somewhere.

I movie I think most of you readers of Ninja Dixon will love and it's both cheap and easy to find! You know what to do!

H-Bomb (1971)

Together with Kom Akadej, Philip Chalong was probably one of the best and most talented action directors of Thailand. His career contained many co-productions with international stars and better budgets than his colleagues in the same genre. I H-Bomb he had the hot up-and-coming Chris Mitchum, still a few years before his bigger genre hits like Summertime Killer and Ricco. What’s more weird is the presence by Olivia Hussey, still fresh from her sensational role in Franco Zeffirelli Romeo and Juliet. How she ended up in a HK-Thai co-production with Chris Mitchum beats me! More on the cast later, first a few words about the slightly Jamesbondish-storyline…

After witnessing the top CIA agents of the world getting killed in various ways during the pre-credit sequence and finding out that a top secret experimental missile (Alpha) has been stolen, the US sends blond-haired CIA agent Eddie Fulmer (Chris Mitchum) to Thailand to co-operate with the Thai secret service in finding the missile again. Luckily for him his ex-girlfriend, Erica (Olivia Hussey) is the daughter of ruthless businessman Jake Koo (I think he’s played by Kecha Plianvithee) who’s also a suspect in kidnapping the deadly weapon! He’s also working together with the terrorist group Fuji (which suggests that they are Japanese, but nothing more is mentioned about that – expect that they have mount Fuji tattooed on their arm) lead by General Yang (the always bald and evil Pipop Pupinyo). Everything could be an easy match from here, but Zeke (Krung Srivilai), Koo’s henchman is also in love with Erica and this makes him even more destined to kill Eddie!

Even if H-Bomb is a movie co-produced by Shaw Brothers and starring to famous American actors, this is mainly a Thai movie in ever way possible. Krung Srivilai was a big star in his own right, even if he always had a darker streak than for example Mitr Chaibancha or Sorapong Chatree. Co-starring Mitchum’s Thai secret service contact is Phairoj Jaisin, who was one the actors supposed to replace Chaibancha as the big star after the latter’s death in 1970. H-Bomb was probably one of the first movies Jaisin made, a nice start of a long career. General Yang is played by Pipop Pupinyo, who was typecasted as a balded villain in tons of flicks from the seventies and up to the early eighties (for example in Kom Akadej’s The Killer Elephants and comedian Thep Thienchai’s James Band 007.

What strikes me the most with H-Bomb is the ambitious action set-pieces, concentrating on very impressive car- and motorcross-stunts. This is international quality, maybe even more spectacular stuff than in the Bond movies from that time. Most impressive is when one character jumps with his motorcross onto a speeding train, something Michelle Yeoh did in Stanley Tong’s Jackie Chan-production Police Story 3 in 1992. But I must admit that the stunt performed in H-Bomb is a lot more impressive and better shot. This is not the only stunt of course and we’re treated to several very nicely executed action scenes with big explosions and dangerous vehicle acrobatics.

Even if H-Bomb has a more “realistic” atmosphere, its still feels a lot like a Bond-movie. From the pre-credit sequence, the extremely Bondish theme song, Phairoj Jaisin Felix Leiter-style character, the action, the underground monitor-filled base and a plan to take over Thailand (maybe even Asia) by controlling a secret missile to the overall sense of an international spy-adventure. H-Bomb is a great action movie and proves once again what a talented director Philip Chalong was.

Interpol 009 (1967)

Ching Tang is Chen Tien Hung, agent 009! Yes, even Shaw Brothers tried their luck in the spy-business in the sixties, inspired by the James Bond franchise of course. The Italians did hundreds of them, Turkey had their The Golden Boy series and even in Sweden we were treated to Åsa-Nisse i Agentform which managed to do the fire truck-scene from View to a Kill twenty years before Roger Moore did it. Still a shit movie, even if it was predecessor! But back to Interpol 009, a good-looking but not too exciting adventure…

Agent 009 is having the time of his life with a couple of bikini-dressed women on a beach somewhere when he gets the call that they found two dead bodies in the water. One of them is Chinese and he’s sent on a mission to Hong Kong to investigate an organisation that produces counterfeit money. But the bad guys are on his tail and he’s forced to pick a fight with the police to be able to find a secure place for a while. There he meets a pick-pocket that becomes his friend and companion in solving the mystery!

First of all, Margaret Tu Chuan is a fantastic choice as the main baddie. She had that psychotic look, extremely good actress and a very beautiful. Two years later she committed suicide together with her lover and it’s a damn pity. Ching Tang is good as 009, but feels even more lightweight than Roger Moore in the role as a super agent, but his charm and wits make up for it. There’s actually not much action in Interpol 009, and the big action scene comes towards the end, a good and massive shoot-out in a big house + a nice chase during the final minutes, but other than that it’s very little in the action department.

What Interpol 009 is about is nice locations, beautiful people, gadgets and some broad comedy between 009 and his comic sidekick, the pick-pocket. I wonder what would have happen if Shaw Brothers fused Bond with kung fu, for real, not just like a small detail. That would have been very interesting. Because I really miss the action and the muddled plot made it easy to go out in the kitchen and grab something to eat without really missing something important.

In the end I liked Interpol 009, mostly for the style and atmosphere, which can make a boring movie worth watching. This is not a boring movie, but the lack of action made it less exciting than it should have been. I still recommend it to spy aficionados and collectors of the wonderful world of the weird.

Evil Cat (1987)

Directed by Dennis Yu, famous for giving the world The Beasts, Evil Cat is another extremely entertaining crazy motherf**ker of a movie. You know the stuff that only could have been made in Hong Kong during the eighties. Produced by trash-maestro Jing Wong (a very underrated filmmaker by the way), this delivers a lot of stuff in it’s running time and even have time to throw in some minor gore and of course the traditional, and unavoidable, slapstick.

A cat-demon has been chasing a family for ages now, but has not been visible for 50 years. That’s because the last one fighting the cat managed to lock it inside a well and then put a big stone plate on top of the well, with some useful magic spells written on it. A nice trick to keep demons, ghosts and other irritating and slightly dangerous beings far away. But of course, as you might have guessed, the cat is unleashed again after some curious workers decide to take a look under the stone plate and everyone is once again in danger! This time its Master Cheung (Chia-Liang Liu) who needs to fight the demon, and he get good help from Long (Mark Cheng) who’s boss was the first one to get possessed and also are in danger of being killed!

Like many Hong Kong movies, especially in the horror genre, from this time I’ve experienced that the first half often is filled with scenes to make the movie longer, and so even with Evil Cat. Not that this is a bad thing, because if the filler scenes is good then I’ll totally buy it. Evil Cat really becomes a great movie after 45 minutes when the action is larger, the violence is more graphic and the tension is higher. The cat itself is a possessed woman for the most of the time, screaming and roaring, using its hands/paws to kill and decapitate. The stunts are well-made and the fighting filled with energy without being similar to Jackie Chan and his brothers in martial arts cinema. This feels more like old-school kung fu, but with colorful lights pumping in the background and hairs bigger than a real cat.

The ending is the true highlight of the movie, and if I may go so far: a classic scene. The cat-demon has materilized once more and is killing her way through the police station. Lots of squibs, two more gory scenes and some very fine action. It’s very eighties, very colorful and very good entertaining. A perfect sibling to the police station scene in Lady Terminator (which is a LOT gorier, so don’t expect a similar bloodbath).

Out on a cheap and widescreen DVD from Fortune Star and a must buy for everyone into weird and crazy Hong Kong horrors!

Aussawin Darb Gaiyasid (1970)

From the first of October 1970 to the fifth, the same year, just under a week, Mitr Chaibancha was in Hong Kong and Taiwan and shot one of the few foreign (or co-productions) movies in his career. A couple of days later he was back in Pattaya and did the final scenes in Golden Eagle, the first movie he produced and starred in at the same time. As we all know, that final take was the take that led to his death and he left behind 266 feature length movies in fourteen years and 18 (!!!) unfinished productions that had to be shut down or re-shot because of his death!

I don’t know the original title of Aussawin Darb Gaiyasid, but most of the cast seem to be Chinese – and the only actor I can identify is the great and awesome Kien Shih. The female lead is played be a Thai actress in this version, but I heard that it was a Chinese actress doing the part in the Hong Kong version. Anyway, because I watched it without subtitles and it has a lot of story and characters it was kinda hard to follow. But what we have is the traditional love story, two enemy families and one of them owns a salt mine. Chaibancha plays the son in one of the families and seem to be fighting a lot with another dude, maybe someone from the other family. In one sequence I get the idea that one of them has some kind of psychic powers, because he can move heavy objects. Maybe making them magnetic. Yeah, that’s about it.

I’ve been trying to decipher the Thai Wikipedia about this movie with the help of Google Translate, and after Chaibancha died the director also brought in another actor with a similar face and body to shoot rest of Chaibancha’s scenes. I didn’t notice this when I watched it, so either it was very little or the other actor had very similar look.

Even if I didn’t understand a friggin’ word of the movie I enjoyed it immensely. The action was more or less non-stop with a lot of fun and bloody sword-fighting. Maybe because of the print quality, it had a very nice gritty feeling. Especially those scenes shot outside of the studio, around beautiful Taiwan. Cool angles, some smart use of handheld camera and lots of energy. Sure, it might just be the result of the low budget and fast shooting schedule, but it still looks and feels very impressive.

Mitr Chaibancha impresses in the only serious role I’ve seen him in so far. After all the tongue-in-cheek action flicks from Thailand it was cool to see him in such a meaty, blood-soaked, part.

The Thai DVD from Triple X is not bad at all. Anamorphic widescreen and, I think, uncut. The print is quite rough, but for us that appreciate these kind of movies it just makes it even better.

Dream Home (2010)

Ho-Cheung Pang’s Dream Home is marketed like a slasher, but is very far from a slasher. It has a massive body count and is about one person killing of a lot of other persons in a small area, but still – this is not even close to what I would consider a slasher. Instead it’s an impressive, but slightly flawed, satire with lots of nudity and splatter, foul language and honest drama.

Josie Ho is Cheng Lai-Sheung, a young woman working for a bank doing telephone calls to customers who really don’t want her to offer anything to them. “Fuck off and never call again”, is the normal answer she have to endure whole day long for a shitty salary. But she has a dream, a dream home. She wants to live in a special house, on a special floor, close to the water with a fantastic view over the sea. When a loan at the bank falls apart and the people who’s gonna sell their apartment there raises the price she’s forced to do something about it… and it’s gonna get very ugly!

Told with the help of flashbacks in-between the mayhem, Dream Home is a sharp and smart thriller/drama with some outrageous gore-scenes and a intelligent and a tragic backstory. Josie Ho is nothing but brilliant as Cheng Lai-Sheung, even if her character borders to be totally unsympathetic. You understand what she wants and maybe even why she do it, but what she does is brutal and so violent and that can be hard to – as a spectactor – forgive her for the brutality. The victims aren’t bad guys or people deserving to die, just ordinary loosers living in a fancy building. That might be one of the reasons it can be hard to root for Lai-Sheung, but why do we always have to root for a character? That’s just silly!

Lai-Sheung has to do what she does, or else she doesn’t want to have the apartment. If she even once back away from killing a character the whole story would be lost, the whole pay-off with the movie.

Dream Home is CATIII, with very graphic gore- and violence, not to forget the nudity, sex and foul language. But it’s also very slick and great-looking, with no traces of low budget-filmmaking. The locations are small and claustrophic, which makes the mayhem even more nasty. The special effects are very well made, mostly non-CG (for those who care, I don’t care) but with some clever CG-enhancements.

In the end Dream Home is a great little movie, which may lack the final emotional punch because Josie Ho’s character are such a fucking bitch. So extremely sadistic and evil, with no traces of humanity, nothing to relate too. But fuck that, I’m sure you, like me, will love this movie!

This is one of those movies Janne Ahlgren at Dischop will deem dangerous for everyone watching it, a movie for psychopaths and people who don’t believe in God. That means you should buy it, at once.

The Ninja Squad (1986)

Hey, what do you all say about another Godfrey Ho-classic? YES! This time I've watched The Ninja Squad, which so far was the most straight forward and non-confusing Ninja-flick from IFD Film & Arts I've seen so far. I would even go so far to say it was quite good, in a good way - but only if you're into extra cheese of course. If you want something serious, go watch a Jackie Chan-movie or something...

Ten years ago, Ninja Gordon (Richard Harrison) finally decides that his pupil is ready to meet the real life, and is sent home to get a job and get out in reality again. But someone is killing of the Ninjas, Ivan the Red (Dave Wheeler) and our young hero, now a Flipino wannabe-cop who supports his family and fights for his dreams... or something like that. But an evil gang of thugs wants his familys house and land, and he has to fight the off and at the same time watch out for
the evil red Ninja!

Pretty straightforward storyline, yeah? And it's that for real, not me just simplifying things. What director Godfrey Ho and producer Joseph Lai has done here is shooting new Ninja-footage with Richard Harrison and some other western blokes and added this to a Filipino crime drama, which in it's own way seem pretty good. That part of the movie has a realistic and violent atmosphere with dirty locations and lots of melodrama. The shoot-outs and fights are low-key and brutal, shot very effective without anyone showing off too much. The Ninja-parts is the usual wackiness with Richard Harrison and his stuntman doing somersaults in various public parks against other colorful Ninjas (all with cool Ninja headbands of course, who says Ninja or Nin Ja). Some of that fighting is quite OK and it's always extremely cool for us Godfrey Ho-ophiles.

But what the hell did they think when they designed Richard Harrison's Ninja suit for this movie? It looks like sparkly glitter-disco-thingie with some amazing non-correct colors! I wish my DVD-drive would work so I could give you a screenshot, but that has to wait to some other age and time. Or just go buy the damn movie and experience it yourself!

I also want to add that the soundtrack to this whole production is really good, with some nice electronic stuff and something that sound like some alternative synth-pop stuff. Not bad at all, I just wish I knew what it was!

Not bad for what it is, but might lack that belowed IFD-madness that I know many of use wants in unhealthy doses. But I think it's a worthy part of any honest mans collection.

Satanic Crystals (1992)

The first time I heard of Satanic Crystals was when I saw the trailer at YouTube. Wow, holy mother of shit. This looks fun! My reaction was something like that, and moments later I found it on a German shop and made an order instantly. Why wait? Why food on the table when I can own this über-cool Hong Kong movie that I never heard about before? That was my reaction, and I never felt a gut-feeling so strong and so true before. A couple of days later it arrived and I could finally experience this trashy masterpiece of exploitative Hong Kong-action!

The MacGuffin of this movie is two legendary multi-colored jade stones, hidden somewhere in Thailand. One man knows where they are, but after he’s killed (strangled in a very drawn-out sequence), two maps to the place is placed in the hands of the bad guys and the good guys and now they have to get there first. But the road isn’t that easy, because everything from female warriors, crocodiles and lions await them!

As usual I’m lousy to write down the story, because sometime I just don’t think it’s that important. Especially with a movie like Satanic Crystals, which just rely on being extremely entertaining and deliver as much fun as the budget allows. The lead is played by Leung Kar Yan, aka Beardy, who is some kinda private detective, cop, whatever, who joins the hunt for the “satanic crystal”. He teams up with some other dudes, one of them is Christoph Klüppel (who had a nice little career as a muscular action toughie in Thai action movies for a couple of years) and goes to Thailand to get rich.

From there on it’s just a sleazy, cheap, violent rollercoaster of martial arts mayhem, shoot-outs and machete wielding maidens! It seem like the bad guys is getting some local tribe to join them as protection, and they have a small army of female warriors with machetes who chop their way thru our heroes team of adventurers in some very nice action set-pieces. Other danger is lions and crocodiles, and of course people with guns who shoots at everything that moves.

It’s hard to tell who big budget the movie had, because it looks a down and dirty, with action scenes that never look perfect, but still delivers a lot of nice stunts á Jackie Chan and those crazy Thai stuntmen that seem to rule the world nowadays. We’re talking Ouch-That-Hurt-kinda stunts. But anyway, I doubt the budget was so big – but its clear that they spent the money well on a lot of money-shots.

But sure, Satanic Crystals is not a perfect movie. It’s pure exploitation with some very graphic sleazy and nudity, made only to entertain. So compared to the big Hong Kong-classics it might not hold up as a classy action movie, but from now on it’s one of my favorite crazy lowbudget movies from Hong Kong. It has a lot of talent, violence and craziness and easily beats out most of the shit being produced today in Hong Kong. This is so far from any boring Wuxia you come, and I think we all should be grateful for that!

Ninja Terminator (1985)

How do you review a movie like Ninja Terminator? The answer is not at all. Instead I'll give you these three screenshots which says it all. Brilliance, nothing less than brilliance.




But I have to ad that it's extremely entertaining, even more than you ever could the imagine. The fights are fun and with a lot of acrobatics, and the South Korean/Hong Kong co-production they used for the other half of the movie as some great fighting and seem like a good little martial arts movie in it's own right. But of course, what would Ninja Terminator be without Richard Harrison walking around aimlessly in a colorless apartment just waiting for his stand-in to show up, run out to the nearest park and do some smokin' Ninja-fighting?

Phantom Killer (1981)

One of my favourite genres, no matter the country of origin, is the classic murder mystery. I guess that’s why I love giallo’s for example. It’s always fun when some other country delivers a nice mystery, and when I saw Phantom Killer at DDDHouse, I knew I needed it. Directed by the legendary actor Stanley Fung (who you all will recognize if you google his name), this is a both a dark and violent movie, but also in the tradition of old-school kung fu.

Wai Pak plays the hunky and popular Siu, a well respected man by everyone. There’s just one problem: all the girls that he meets ends up getting killed by a mysterious skeleton-masked serial killer! Wai is of course a suspect, but his good looks and charming personality is more or less proof that he’s innocent. Instead he helps the police with the investigation, during which the body count continues…

Phantom Killer isn’t by any means a unique movie, but it’s never boring and has a lot of good fighting. Not fantastic fighting, but still above average. The end fight especially, which is top-notch. The red herrings are many, and the twists are more than in a normal giallo. I had a few ideas who the killer was, but didn’t have a chance when new leads was introduced! No problem with the acting either, but it would have been nice with some more blood – because this is a serial killer movie!

I’m not sure if the music is stolen or is stock music, but it sounds different – very European – and fits the movie perfectly. Some cues here and there reminded me of Fabio Frizzi’s score to The Beyond, but I’m not sure.

Not a classic that will rock your world or make world peace, but I liked it a lot and it was a hugely entertaining mix of murder mystery and martial arts.

Profile in Anger (1984)

I once saw the trailer for Profile in Anger over at Jack’s place, and I fell for it directly. It’s an insane and violent trailer, which made the movie look like the best Hong Kong-movie ever. Unfortunately that’s not the case, but after a rather slow and boring first half, it finally kicked into action with some generic, but still cool action scenes.

Leung Kar Yan plays Liang, a famous ex-sportsman and nowadays just rich and happy. He’s just gonna marry his girlfriend and is meeting her at the airport. There he also meets an old schoolmate and they bring him home, because he just arrived from South Africa. During the night the schoolmate disappears and a little while later Liang’s girlfriend his brutally killed.

Furious with revenge Liang understands that he’s also under attack, and hides and try to figure out why it’s happening. After several violent attacks he’s going crazy, start to grow a beard and works out at the gym until he becomes a deadly fighting-machine! And finally he can take his revenge…

I’m not gonna hide it, but Profile in Anger is a quite silly movie. It’s also the directorial debut for Leung Kar Yan, which he handles quite well – it’s more the script that could have needed a little bit more work. The first part is more of a stupid love-drama, then becomes a normal revenge-movie, until he goes crazy, builds himself a Mad Max-style battle truck and fights a deformed killer who prefers to fight in his underwear!

That killer is no one else than the brilliant Phillip Ko, who makes the best performance in the movie and also – which is weird, because the role is quite small – has the best written character. He’s crazy, psychotic – but also loving against his girlfriend/wife.

So the script and character (and beard) is all over the place. How’s the action then? Yes, it’s very violent (this version can be cut, probably a scene when a drill enters a hand) and bloody, lots of hard-hitting fights and some really cool stunts. A cool scene is where a motor cross-gang of gay post-apocalyptic drug users is attacking a restaurant with their vehicles! But at the same time the action and fighting isn’t especially extraordinary. Just something you’ve seen a thousand times before and after. It’s not bad, but could have been funnier. But all violence has a very mean-spirited streak of sadism, so don’t be afraid – this is not boring Wuxia-movie for children.

Still quite fun and violent, I think I can recommend it to all of you that appreciates something out of the typical mainstream.

Hong Kong Godfather (1985)

I can say, with out a doubt, that Hong Kong Godfather is the most violent and bloody Shaw Brothers-production I've seen so far. I've seen the screenshots in review, but nothing could prepare me for the amount of violence and blood that was delivered by director Lung Wei Wang and his team. But it's not only blood and gore, this is a classic gangster-story that actually holds up even today (the fashion might be the exception!) and I recommend everyone that has the slightest interest in Hong Kong-movies to get this movie.

Kien Shih plays a friendly and nice mafia-boss, Szetu Han, in Hong Kong. He don't like drug dealing and take care of his people. Three of his "sons" are a cop, a former criminal nicknamed Mad Dog and a charming womanizer named "Playboy Lung". They are of course all three decent people, but when someone is trying to take over the power in Hong Kong, the sleazy Lan, they are forced to stand by their boss side again. After Han refuses to work together with Lan a series of attacks happens, people die and get hurt and everything end in the massacre of Han and his family. Now the three men are left on their own, and they want revenge! A fucking bloody revenge!

The story is a classic, nothing new, but is also timeless and works fine even in 2010. This is very much the eighties, so the fashion is colorful (and quite tasteless, I think) and there's a lot of neon and city lights. But it feels just like a Shaw Brothers, even if it's not set in a historical environment and had modern, and very brutal, fighting instead of the old school-styles. Kien Shih, a brilliant actor and fighter, actually do a little old school-routine and is matched by his grandchild with some modern stuff. It's a wonderful little scene and it feels like Shih is handing over the torch to a new generation of action-heroes. Almost everyone is making a great performance, except the poor guy that's playing the boyfriend to Mad Dogs daughter. I'm not sure what he's trying to do actually, but whatever it is, it don't work.

Hong Kong Godfather has been hyped since I first heard of it, and for once - and I'm happy to say this - it lives up to it's hype. It starts of strong with a bloody massacre, and then slows down for maybe thirty minutes - which I don't mind. It's not slow or boring, it's just building up tension for the last half of the movie that delivers so much action that I was just laughing out loud here alone in the living room. The fighting is hard and brutal, not any fancy stuff exactly, and it always ends with blood splattering all over the walls. In one memorable scene a bad guy takes up a little boy, breaks his back over his knee and throws him out through the window! 

And it's getting even more fun. For every action-scene it's bloodier, gorier, more fighting and has wilder stunts. Because most of the fights are with big knifes, machetes and saws! So except a bloodbath in between the back- and neck-breaking fights! I can honestly say that you won't be disappointed by this flick. Really. Every fucking hand on the bible. 

The new US DVD looks stunning and is very uncut, which you will notice a mile away. This is so far one of my favorite releases this year. Amazing movie, amazing action and over-the-top violence for all of us Shaw Brothers-pervs!

Operation Bangkok (1967)

Operation Bangkok is an awesome Thai/Hong Kong co-production from 1967. Starring the only and only, Mitr Chaibancha and leading ladies Regina Pai Ping and (of course) Petchara Chaowarath, this a action-packed, fun and visually strong action movie with enough kitch for everyone. No subtitles of course, but Chaibancha's character seem to go undercover (as usual) in some crime organization and gets in to a lot of fistfights, always with a perfect hair cut. Yes, except a slower half-hour during the last hour of the movie (it's almost two hours long), this is a damn effective and good-looking piece of action cinema. There's more the one fistfight, often violent and with excellent editing. Shoot-outs, car-chase with helicopter, a fight on a speeding boat and even more fistfights!

Shot on what looks like 35 mm, it look less cramped than some of Chaibancha's 16 mm-movies from the same era, and the co-production with Hong Kong probably brought a lot more money into the production than usual. It's also shot in Hong Kong, some parts at least, and boats a big cast of cool actors. The production is slick and looks like a much bigger movie than it probably was, and the only thing that makes this film suffer is the very scratcy master - but still, it's probably the only version left and this is as good as it ever will look nowadays.

Chaibancha is as usual an excellent leading actor, and this time he's also paired with another guy who I don't know the name of, but he has a great face and has a lot of chemistry together with Mitr. One of the fights in the end, where both of them are fighting each other in some old warehouse is one of the action-highlights of this charmer of a movie. Another wonderful thing is the cool music numbers. Because this movie is set in couple of different nightclubs, so there's always a new Thai-pop/beat group playing on stage, probably real groups doing cameos. Most of the time we're allowed to see the whole numbers too, so it's a great way of watching kitchy Thai-versions of western pop/rock/beat!

I have a lot of good things to say about Operation Bangkok, because it deserves it. Even with out subtitles and with a constant rain of scratches, this is one of the best and coolest Chaibancha-movie I've seen so far.

A Queens Ransom (1976)

So, what do you say about this line up of actors: George Lazenby, Jimmy Wang Yu, Angela Mao, Dean Shek and Bolo Yeung! The sources also claims that Sammo Hung is in A Queens Ransom somewhere! I don't know about the last thing, but the rest of the cast is the most attractive thing about this movie, which is not a bad flick, but could have been more exciting than it became.

A gang of international terrorists, among them Lazenby, Wang Yu and Yeung, has got a well-payed job: to assassinate Queen Elisabeth when she arrives to Hong Kong! This is a time of turmoil and unrest, and Cambodian refugees is coming to Hong Kong, and in the middle of this when the police will be more stressed and confused, the terrorists will hit. Among the refugees is some high ranking Cambodian military and personalities, that sets camp in a remote part of HK, but what is their purpose there? Dean Shek plays nice hillbilly that gets more curious, and befriends one of the women in the camp. At the same time, Wang Yu finds out that the return to Hong Kong after spending eight years in Vietnam brings more surprises than he ever could imagine...

First of all, you can't blame the screenwriters for patching the script together in a logical way. There's a lot of threads and several side stories that hardly hangs together, but still is there to makes us a bit more confused than it probably was planned. The main story is of course the assassination-team, but it takes time - and I guess that is one quite good plot twist - for us to understand what's going on with the other stuff. In a way it seems like the producer decided to cobble together a story around the real queens visit to Hong Kong, so that's why we're treated to a lot of real footage of the queen when she's in Hong Kong - which of course adds to the realism. But if you can look beyond the faults of the scripts, it's actually has a few fun twists and turns, and finally also some okey action.

Yes, it's quite low on action the first hour, just some minor chases and maybe one little fight. But in the end during the final attack, we'll get some fighting (to little though), shooting and explosions. Not bad, but the production looks a bit hasty, and that probably also affected the action. But Lazenby shows off his violent and sadistic side, and Jimmy Wang Yu beats the shit out of a lot of unlucky bastards (and as usual, he always gets a chance to have sex with some caucasian women too!). Bolo Yeung looks like a muscle cow and Angela Mao is excellent in her part. 

A Queens Ransom is still the weakest of George Lazenby's HK-trilogy, but not bad. And if you like HK-action from the seventies and don't demand a masterpiece, this is the movie for you. The Fortune Star Legendary Collection-disc is in anamorphic widescreen, only Chinese dub and with subtitles filled with weird misspellings. I have no idea if it's cut or not, but it had some nudity and blood.

The Beasts (1980)

The cheapest way to make a movie is to go the woods... and you'll have great locations for free, you can spray blood everywhere and no one will see what you're up to. Not to forget that it's cheap. It's been done so many times over the years... yes, even in Hong Kong. The Beasts draws its inspiration from Deliverance, The Hills Have Eyes (another cheap location in that one, the desert!) and a lot of slashers. But what makes The Beast a lot more better than some of its American counterparts is that it's sets not limits. Sure, there's been more graphic movies made both before and after, but this has such a gritty and nasty feeling that I think I haven't seen anything like it.

A couple of teenagers goes out on a hiking trip in the Hong Kong countryside. They soon run into a couple of disgusting rednecks, who rapes one of the girls and kills her boyfriend. The girl gets so shocked she's admitted to a psychiatric clinic. Her father decides to take revenge on the creeps that did this to her and her friends, and sets out in the woods to really mess things up for these guys!

That's the story if I take away everything around it. Because we actually spend some time with both the rednecks and the kids from the beginning and get to know them. The teenagers are the normal horny bunch of pop-listening (unauthorized use of a Genesis-song for example) idiots, but are portrayed sympathetic and charming, and with a healthy dose of sexual tension. But they are probably mostly chosen because they look cute and weak, and is easily terrorized by the fantastic bunch of inbreeds that's after them. Here we have snakes, who looks like a Hong Kong goth-rock singer with no teeth, Moe, a fat retard and a couple of others who all have their all specialties. Moe also has a monkey, a quite big one, that he carries around with him all the time, which looks absurd because he treats the poor animal like a doll and just stuffs him under his arm when he's running. 

All of them, except Moe, is of course very perverted and just see one reason with women: to rape them. They're also more or less protected by the gas station attendant (they are always evil in these kinda movies) and holds a firm terror-grip on the rest of the village. So in a way, these are actually the main characters in the movie. Even the father, played excellent by Eddie Chan, comes off like a less important character. 

The power in The Beasts is that it's set in such a beautiful location. It's not everyday you'll see a brutal rape in the middle of a fairy tale-like forest! The killings are not that graphic really, but are filmed in such a way that they feel much more violent than they really are. But of course there's blood, nudity and stuff that probably can be hard for sensitive people to watch. Dennis Yu directs like he's done it a hundred times before, and I think this is one of this first movies. He knows how to tell the story with intelligent camera set-ups and some artful direction, but never lets us down when it comes to the exploitation-part of the movie.

The Beasts is a damn fine little nasty that really deserves a nice, uncut, remastered release somewhere in the world.

Heroes Shed No Tears (1986)

Shot a couple of years earlier, but was shelfed and not released until John Woo became famous, Heroes Shed No Tears is a magnificent and trashy jungle-action movie with less depth and less artistic merits than most of his later movies, but still... this is John Woo, and John Woo doing action is always (expect Paycheck and most of Mission Impossible 2) a fantastic experience. 

Here we have the great and intensive Eddy Ko as Chan Chung, a mercenary hired by the Thai government to bring a powerful druglord home to justice. He and his crazy gang of ex-militaries and criminals manages to capture the druglord - but is forced to bring Chan's son with them after the druglord's men is trying to take him in exchange for their boss. Also after them is the Vietnamese military, lead by a sadistic officer (Ching-Ying Lam), these three gangs means a lot of shooting!

The story is simple, the characters isn't that well written, but you can so clearly see the talent of John Woo. The action is amazing, very gory and violent, tons of squibs, blood, a couple of mutilations and more explosions than a Bruno Mattei movie. I love those tracking shots during shoot-outs, which suddenly takes us in the action and almost gives a feeling of 3D. A trademark of Woo. We also have a lot of slow-mo in combination with people nearly getting shot, standing to close to explosions or just feeling like dying in some other way. This is awesome, and it's a pity this movie is in the shadow of his later masterpieces - because even if this don't offer any originality, it's still a helluva action-movie.

Not only the action has Woo's stamp all over it. In the relationships among the men and in the father-son scenes you see a lot of what was going to come later. He has that uncanny talent to hit the heart of the viewers when you least expected it, and really wants you to feel for the characters. Just look at the scene where the little boy is almost burned to death, he's running like a scared rabbit, the camera is following him on a distance, until he finds a way to protect himself. If it wasn't for the gory shoot-outs before and after it could have belonged in a more "serious" movie. 

But this is a movie made for action, and during it's 84 minutes it's almost action all the time. Shootings, explosions, some fights, chases and some amazing stuntwork by the Thai stuntmen. Eddy Ko more or less carries the movie on his shoulders and is the best actor of the bunch, even if no one is really bad - just overacting in the traditional Hong Kongnese way.

I'm happy I finally saw this pearl of a movie. This bring class and quality to the jungle-action-genre, and I don't think I've seen it better before or after.