Wardaat (1981)

CBI Officer Gopi, more known to the civilized world as Gunmaster G-9 is back in business! Yeah, it's Wardaat - the even more spectacular disco-dancing sequel to Surakksha! Crazier, bigger and jam-packed with martial arts - but what else to expect with Mithun Chakraborty as the hero? As you might have noticed I'm having a little 007-week here at Ninja Dixon and somehow it felt very logical to at least include one exotic Bond-rip off (and I've seen and reviewed more than a few) into the schedule, and what fits better than something from the film metropol of the world: Bollywood (or Bombay aka Mumbai of course). The two movies with Gunmaster G-9 could be the only Bond-style films to be close to a franchise, and the truth is that a third movie was under production but never finished around ten years later. I've heard that the son of director Ravikant Nagaich still is trying to get a new movie going (why don't you visit the semi-officialFacebook page?)

The elegant Gunmaster G-9 car.

Super-mega-agent Gunmaster G-9 (Mithun Cakraborty) is called into duty after a mysterious crime organization is causing disasters by having an army of locusts attack and destroy people and property. But the organizatino, lead by the mysterious Jumbala (or something similar) who might be the most EVIL super-villain ever, because he's....

1. A hunchback!

2. A deformed eye!

3. A scar across his face!

4. A huge nose!

5. An impressive set of crooked teeth!

He also have the most EVIL plan ever to take over the world:

1. Plastic-looking children raised as his brainwashed slaves!

2. A super serum that turns big-breasted women super-strong!

3. Grain the will give everyone disabled children!

4. Plus the now infamous army of locusts!

 He also lives in a secret Egyptian temple with his army of henchmen that will give their life for him without questions asked!

Eviiiiiil!!!!!

So, yes - without a doubt: this is crazy and confusing and I lost track of the story 10-15 times during the film. Not that this is a bad thing, because Gunmaster G-9 is all about extremely silly song- and dance-numbers, lots of martial arts and wild action scenes conducted by slightly chubby stuntmen. Chakraborty himself is quite fit and athletic and it's quite easy for him to kill one fatso after another with everything from guns and sharp objects, but mostly the deadly force of his hands and feet!

I love fights that goes on forever - and just like the dancing in this movie everything is very drawn out, which means often very imaginative action scenes with lots of stunts and not-so-special effects. But it's the thought that counts. Especially one of the fights is extra interesting because it's almost like a Indian Jackie Chan-scene, with Gunmaster G-9 inside some kind of factory using the stuff he finds as weapons - something that later became Jackie's trademarks during the wild eighties. Just like Surakksha there's not even a hint of realism and some of the visual effects in on the border to being cartoonish - for example the Egypitan temple which seem to be either postcards or diapositives, which in the last case means some actors looks like they're half-invisible walking in front of the projection! It becomes even more surreal with the presence of Cakraborty's ego who's bigger than ever. This film has several of those scenes when women literary runs to him, wanting to have him because he's so damn sexy and strong and jadajadajada. Oh, and he battles a (fake) tiger with his own bare hands! That's Indian action and it's over-the-top!

Wardaat also has some interesting casting. Among the actors is a Chinese (I guess) martial arts guy who's pretty good. He's not credited in the movie, but maybe one of you will recognize him with the help of these two images:

A couple of actors who have no idea what the hell they're doing in this movie are these gentlemen:

"So, do you think they'll drive us back to the hotel after this shit?"

I'm not saying this is a technically perfect film, but it's charming and has a lot of action - everything from kung fu to sword fights - and that will make most of you enjoy this piece of awesomeness as much as I did. There's just something very special about Indian action from the time when they cared more about entertainment than using flashy editing and looking fit in front of the camera. It just feels more human. 

Mr Bond (1992)

Akshay Kumar is Mr Bond, the best detective in India! He's more than a detective of course, he's a one man army, a Schwarznegger-wannabe without the muscles and with a sillier hair cut. He's here to save India from yet another master criminal, the dangerous Red Dragon (Pankaj Dheer) who kidnaps little children and forces them to work for him in his palace outside Bangkok! If they make one single mistake - they die!!!! He also has an army of Ninjas on motocrosses, which make this movie slightly better than it deserves to be.

Ninjas can make a movie stand up proud, and Mr Bond proudly showcases a whole bunch of incompetent Ninjas for Mr Bond to kill, one after another. Do you notice something? Yeah, I'm trying to avoid going into more details in the story because the DVD didn't include any English subtitles! So I had to guess most of the stuff in-between the action and sometimes even the action itself. Mr Bond is not a masterpiece and it's more of typical eighties action flick than a typical James Bond-rip off. Sure, it has the super agent, a evil villain, lots of action - but the atmosphere is more Michael Dudikoff than Roger Moore.

The story is simple and quite naive, and it's truly not involving enough for Mr Bond to save a dozen kids in Thailand from the white-haired, evil mastermind. We the audience doesn't care enough about this adventure. Give me a "I'm gonna take over the world" or something more Bondish and it would have worked better. Now we're mostly treated to Kumar looking "sexy" - including a hilarious dance number in a gym, almost more graphic than if they shot a real sex scene. Think "Perfect" with John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis, but even less sexy. Most of the music sounds like something banging it out quickly on a cheap keyboard and the action sequences is slow and not especially good choreographed.

I was hoping for more excitement when story moved to Bangkok, but all we get is a fun - but badly done - final battle between Mr Bond and the Ninjas plus a hysterical chase inside a recreation park which ends with Mr Bond and Red Dragon compete with each other on two separate water slides!!! Yeah, it's silly and anticlimactic.

If you wanna see a Bollywood movie with that eighties action vibe, watch the 1988 Bollywood classic Commando instead. It delivers action and also has Ninjas plus the whole ending is stolen scene for scene from Where Eagles Dare! That's a masterpiece in trashy action!

Yeah, it might sound that I hated Mr Bond. No, I didn't. But I expected more, especially after the first scene that reminded me a lot about the villa-sequence in Mark Lester's Commando. Lots of shooting, throwing knifes and Mr Bond in camouflage outfit. This was just OK entertainment for the moment and something only fans of cheap action could appreciate to the fullest. 

Attack of the Robots (1966)

Here's a fine little movie, Attack of the Robots, directed in 1966 by maestro Uncle Jess Franco and starring the one and only Eddie Constantine (and a cameo from his son, Lemmy Constantine also). Made during the big spy-craze during the sixties when every company wanted their own Bond-style movie. Attack of the Robots makes references to Bond and is well aware of what it's suppose to be, but it's not only a fun Bondish action movie, it's a seriously good movie who should be seen by much more people out there, not only fans of Franco.

Eddie Constantine is Al Pereira, a secret agent and an ex-alcoholic who lives a nice life pretending not to be a secret agent any more. Until a dangerous crime organization led by Sir Percy (Fernando Rey) sends out robot-esque assassins to kill the worlds most important leaders in politics, religion and other unnecessary bastards. They aren't really robots, but controlled with an electronic device in their glasses and it's all connected to their blood type. So Al Pereira is sent to Spain to investigate, and is directly contacted - a bit brutal - by a Chinese crime organization who also wants to get the technology to control people. Soon Al is hunted by the Chinese, the Spaniards and his own bosses wanting him to close the case once and for all!

Witty and charming are two of the words I could use to describe this movie. Other words are "great looking", "funny" and "tongue-in-cheek". This is, much like The Girl from Rio, a movie that spoofs the spy-genre and do both with respect and with comedic perfection. Franco and his co-writer, Jean-Claude Carrière, plays with every cliché in the book and do it so well. My favourite scene is when Pereira is presented the gadgets, an exploding umbrella, electric gloves, exploding cigar, a flute that could crush glass with it's sound and he just looks scared, because every gadget is so damn dangerous for him also! Another fine scene is a send-up on the typical "arriving to a new country with postcard-stock footage on the beautiful city" which here ends in Pereira only finding an packed tourist-bus with extremely dirty windows, which shows us nothing for the beautiful scenery outside. It's like a scene from a Marx Brothers movie!

But Attack of the Robots it's not just fun and games, there's a lot of nice fistfights, and some more advanced fighting from the "robots", especially when they meet the Chinese in Pereira's hotel room where both gangs are set to kill or kidnap him. This also ends in a scene where our hero needs to hide dead bodies from a sexy woman trying to seduce him.

And yes, of course Uncle Jess makes a cameo as a jazz-pianist. Important detail!

The movie was shot on a low budget but looks great and has a lot of action, stunts, comedy and fun actors and it never gets boring. A very competent movie and another proof of Franco's skills as a storyteller. The only way to see Attack of the Robots, except old video tapes, is the DVD-R from Sinister Cinema. It's taken from a 16 mm print and looks good, but is heavily cropped on the sides - but it almost seems like Franco have that in mind because it still looks good even if some of the shots are a bit cramped. This is clearly visible in the credits, but except that it's a good way to see the movie.

H-Bomb (1971)

Together with Kom Akadej, Philip Chalong was probably one of the best and most talented action directors of Thailand. His career contained many co-productions with international stars and better budgets than his colleagues in the same genre. I H-Bomb he had the hot up-and-coming Chris Mitchum, still a few years before his bigger genre hits like Summertime Killer and Ricco. What’s more weird is the presence by Olivia Hussey, still fresh from her sensational role in Franco Zeffirelli Romeo and Juliet. How she ended up in a HK-Thai co-production with Chris Mitchum beats me! More on the cast later, first a few words about the slightly Jamesbondish-storyline…

After witnessing the top CIA agents of the world getting killed in various ways during the pre-credit sequence and finding out that a top secret experimental missile (Alpha) has been stolen, the US sends blond-haired CIA agent Eddie Fulmer (Chris Mitchum) to Thailand to co-operate with the Thai secret service in finding the missile again. Luckily for him his ex-girlfriend, Erica (Olivia Hussey) is the daughter of ruthless businessman Jake Koo (I think he’s played by Kecha Plianvithee) who’s also a suspect in kidnapping the deadly weapon! He’s also working together with the terrorist group Fuji (which suggests that they are Japanese, but nothing more is mentioned about that – expect that they have mount Fuji tattooed on their arm) lead by General Yang (the always bald and evil Pipop Pupinyo). Everything could be an easy match from here, but Zeke (Krung Srivilai), Koo’s henchman is also in love with Erica and this makes him even more destined to kill Eddie!

Even if H-Bomb is a movie co-produced by Shaw Brothers and starring to famous American actors, this is mainly a Thai movie in ever way possible. Krung Srivilai was a big star in his own right, even if he always had a darker streak than for example Mitr Chaibancha or Sorapong Chatree. Co-starring Mitchum’s Thai secret service contact is Phairoj Jaisin, who was one the actors supposed to replace Chaibancha as the big star after the latter’s death in 1970. H-Bomb was probably one of the first movies Jaisin made, a nice start of a long career. General Yang is played by Pipop Pupinyo, who was typecasted as a balded villain in tons of flicks from the seventies and up to the early eighties (for example in Kom Akadej’s The Killer Elephants and comedian Thep Thienchai’s James Band 007.

What strikes me the most with H-Bomb is the ambitious action set-pieces, concentrating on very impressive car- and motorcross-stunts. This is international quality, maybe even more spectacular stuff than in the Bond movies from that time. Most impressive is when one character jumps with his motorcross onto a speeding train, something Michelle Yeoh did in Stanley Tong’s Jackie Chan-production Police Story 3 in 1992. But I must admit that the stunt performed in H-Bomb is a lot more impressive and better shot. This is not the only stunt of course and we’re treated to several very nicely executed action scenes with big explosions and dangerous vehicle acrobatics.

Even if H-Bomb has a more “realistic” atmosphere, its still feels a lot like a Bond-movie. From the pre-credit sequence, the extremely Bondish theme song, Phairoj Jaisin Felix Leiter-style character, the action, the underground monitor-filled base and a plan to take over Thailand (maybe even Asia) by controlling a secret missile to the overall sense of an international spy-adventure. H-Bomb is a great action movie and proves once again what a talented director Philip Chalong was.

Surakksha (1979)

As the real Bond-series became more and more exaggerated and out of this world, so followed the rip-offs around the world. And as usual, India fast took the lead in the race in delivering the most outrageous and over-the-top entertainment. Director Ravikant Nagaich wasn’t a stranger in the genre, and his Farz (1967) is still a timeless spy-classic who also took a lot of inspiration from the Bond-saga. But when Farz clearly is referencing the Connery movies, Surakksha goes all the way into colourful Roger Moore territory with more action, more comedy, more effects and a Bond villain right from the comic books.

Mithun Chakraborty is CBI Officer Gopi, aka Gunmaster G-9! After an insanely groovy credits-sequence with Mithun surrounded by beautiful ladies and doing kung fu moves in a studio the story blasts of with a lot of chases and action directly. Everything seem to evolve around Officer Jackson (Tej Sapru) who after an airplane accident is believed to be dead – well, it’s quite clearly the case after he’s delivered in a box to his daughters birthday! But Gundmaster G-9 suspects foul play and discovers that it’s not Jackson, it’s really some other dude who made some surgery to look like Jackson. The lack of subtitles made the story a bit vague, but of course a lot of people want G-9 dead after he discovered the truth and everything leads to a big underwater base where the evil Doctor Shiva (K. Balaji) roams with an eye-patch and a hand of steel! He also has a machine that creates natural disasters, and the only one to stop him – with martial arts – is Gunmaster G-9!

I always respect filmmakers who make what they want even if they aren’t even near the budget they needed to make their dream come true. Surkksha is a living proof for this mentality, because this can be one of the cheapest Bond knock-offs I’ve seen, but director Nagaich obviously never stopped and said no to his own crazy ideas. He made them anyway, and that’s one of those details that make Surakksha so brilliant. Sure, the storyline aren’t especially interesting, but with Chakraborty in the lead and a frantic direction and editing by Nagaich makes this a movie with virtually no boring moments at all. Sometimes it’s almost abstract in its weird visual solutions, for example the exterior of Officer Gopi’s house:


So let’s talk a little about the special effects. It’s very clear that there wasn’t any budget to create big stunts and spectacular effects, but that didn’t stop Nagaich from just using toy cars and very primitive miniatures to create the action set-pieces. Not that this is a bad thing, because like with stop-motion monsters and CG monsters we all know it’s not real, but we know what it’s suppose to be. This is the idea with Surakksha. Even if the filmmakers just throw toy cars between them or use an alarm clock to simulate a bomb or en elevator counter going 300 meters below the sea level, we’re still aware of what the purpose is. We know what’s happening and if we can ignore the cheap effects and focus on the entertainment, both in the story and the entertainment created by the cheap effects, it’s suddenly easier to accept the movie. Surakksha also has a variety of real stunts, mostly really wild fighting and fast and exciting chases in every possible environment.

Another interesting thing with Surkkasha is the disaster scenes. This is a movie from the age of disaster movies, so it wasn’t that surprising to see a big scale disaster scene in the finale. The villain sets his machine to create a big mother of a tsunami that completely crushes Bombay in a glorious sequence of very cheap minatures and a few seconds of black & white footage from much older movie. But most of it is created for this movie and as a fan of disaster movies it was a nice surprise and a welcome twist!

Surakksha became a big hit and a few years later Chakraborty and Nagaich teamed up to make Wardaat, a movie I hope to review sooner or later – because it seem even more far out and wild than this one. Stay tuned for more Bondesque adventure from India!

Ankhen (1968)

Time has come to one of the most iconic Indian spy-stories, Ankhen, another movies taking a lot of inspiration from James Bond, but maybe mostly succeeds to be a patriotic mishmash of drama, action and songs. I guess Ankhen is one of those movies that might be better in memory than in real life, because one of the few things that survived from its initial release is the action scenes and the gorgeous sixties cinematography. The rest is very uneven, to a degree it took me three days to watch the whole movie. Is it so bad? Absolutely not, it’s just the pacing that could have been better – and shorter songs.

Terrorist attacks kills a lot of people in India and soon we get to know that a terrorist group is responsible for making every demonstration, every radical movement even worse with planting bombs and attacking the Indian government pretending to be Indian. A concerned group of private citizens take upon them to defend the borders of India, but also do some spying in Beirut, Lebanon. When one of them is killed – or is he? – master-spy Sunil (Dharmendra) travels to Beirut to try to uncover who the killers are and what they want. The evil mastermind this time is Doctor X, complete with a monocle and an endless hate for the proud Indian people! He has built a secret underground base outside one of the big cities, and there preparing all the terrorist attacks! Will Sunil and his friends stop him, or are they all… doomed?

I can start with some whining. Ankhen is way to long for the story it tries to tell. Or let me correct myself directly, it has way to few twists, turns and action scenes for it’s nearly three hour running time. Compared with Shaan or Bond 303, its quiet slow and focuses mostly on Sunil walking around looking cool (nothing wrong with that really), some bad comedy and scenes of happy families doing stuff together. The songs are also way to long and all except the night club act is badly executed and very stiff and slow.

The story kinda picks ups when the little son of the sister of Sunil gets kidnapped by Doctor X and his cohorts and is placed in a room with moving spiked walls, always threatening to crush him! That’s poetry!

What’s more fun is the action, as usual. There’s a couple of very Jackie Chan-esque stunts when people are falling down and probably hurting themselves quite badly, a couple of fun and quite acrobatic fist fights and no less than three nice miniature sets getting blown to pieces in true Godzilla-style. The acting from the bad guys is over-the-top, and a lot more fun than the stiff hero-cast. Jeevan, who plays Doctor X, is in full scene-chewing mode and have a lot of fun with a character that is boring written. But best of them all is Indias wicked stepmother number 1, legendary Lalita Pawar, who plays the evil doctors henchwoman. The first half of the movie she’s a zombie-like psychopath, but goes into fantastic performance when she’s pretending to be an aunt of one of the good guys (they have never seen each other before, therefore he don’t recognize her as an imposter) and she completely transform herself into a hysterical, Krishna-mumbling old psycho-lady. Pure brilliance! She started her career as a nine year old in 1928 and died in 1998, what a career!

Ankhen is far from the best Indian movie I’ve seen, but it still worth watching for the action and great sets – and because of dear old Lalita of course. I have the DVD from Shanti Enterprises, and it’s a good looking fullscreen version with fully working English subtitles.

Altin Çocuk Beyrut'ta (1967)

In 1967 baby-faced Göksel Arsoy was back in the saddle as Altin Çocuk in Altin Çocuk Beyrut'ta. The first movie proved to be a big success and this wouldn’t be the first sequel, two more would follow and forever put the name The Golden Boy on Göksel Arsoy’s career. This time Altin gets involved after a drug bust at a seedy night club. The drugs, and money leads to Beirut were Altin soon gets involved in sexy ladies and a lot of fist fights. Behind it all is a man dressed in a silvery Batman-esque outfit (complete with pointy ears and a cape). But this time is life extra tough because Altin gets brainwashed, or poisoned, and turns evil! Which leads him too brutally lash his woman, who’s strapped up in a torture dungeon!

Altin Çocuk Beyrut'ta is a more slick and well-made production than the first movie, even if the budget seem a bit lower – not counting the Beirut location of course. The sets are more cramped and the villain’s lair is just a few locations inside a factory. But the stylish approach to the story, the excellent work with shadows and editing makes this technically a better movie. What I miss is the bigger epic style of the first film, with more extras and more dangers around every corner.

The use of Göksel Arsoy as a Bond-style hero might seem weird, but most of the Bond rip-offs made never tried to copy the original Bond-actors, it seem so anyway (not counting the Italian ones, who hade more James Bondish actors than any other country). Göksel has the face of a little boy, a bit mean and mischievous like Jimmy Wang Yu. Like a combination between Kevin Spacey and Robert Vaughn. Not a bad thing, because he more looks like a bloke that never would be able to take down a dozen bad guys within seconds, which gives him more of a chance to surprise both the audience and the baddies.

Action yes, not the film with the highest budget, but the fist fights, oh the fist fights. There are only two countries that really focused on spectacular fights: Turkey and India. I guess it’s a question of budget, it’s cheaper to throw a fight than start a car chase, and in Altin Çocuk Beyrut'ta they prove that two fists and some crazy stuntmen can make the cheapest movie look great. The fights are intensive with big swings and a lot of painful falls into furniture, down in the floor or right into walls, stuff that Hong Kong made popular in the Eighties. Sometime I wonder who inspired who.

Göksel Arsoy produced (correct me if I’m wrong, please) the Altin Çocuk-films with his own company, Goksel Film, and created himself one of the most interesting franchises in Turkey, with his own personality and a big slice of Bondesque storylines and brutal action. It would have been interesting if he had followed the two next sequels with even more Golden Boy films, but maybe the energy and interest ran dry and he decided for a more serious career as an actor.

The only way to watch Altin Çocuk Beyrut'ta is through a version shown on Turkish TV. It’s OK viewing, but looks deteriorated and have, of course, no English subtitles. It’s possible that some scenes are lost, because sometime the story took very quick turns without much explanation. But if someone know a better version, let me know.

Shaan (1980)

I never thought I would see two James Bond rip-offs that both have the hero getting into the evil mastermind’s lair pretending to be a member of a sing- and dance troupe! But I did. The first one was Bond 303 and the second is Shaan, the 1980 super-hit with superstars Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor as the heroes, with good help from veteran hero-actor Sunil Dutt! It’s clearly pushing it to call Shaan a complete Bond rip-off, but I can say that half of the story and half of the movie can be placed under this fantastic pseudo-genre. Why, let’s take a look at the story…

Ambitabh and Shashi is two jolly good conmen, Vijay and Ravi. They survive through elaborated hoaxes and caper. One day they try to fool a young woman and an old man, only two realized they have been fooled by professional daughter/father con-duo Sunita (Parveen Babi) and Chacha (Johnny Walker, yes he named himself after the Scottish whisky). After some comedy and fun they decide to join forces and try to steal a diamond necklace. But they didn’t count on big brother Inspector Shiv Kumar (Sunil Dutt) who arrests them but welcomes them after doing some jail time…. So whats do this lead up to? Well, after an hour someone – the EVIL Shakal, the leader of a crime organization wants to take revenge on Kumar and his effective police force that interferes in the Shakal’s business over and over again, and he won’t stop until they’re all dead!

The special thing with Shakal is that he’s bald like Blofeld, has his own private island with a smaller army, a flock of killer dogs, a man-eating crocodile and of course an gigantic secret underground base! So from a typical easy-going caper movie it explodes into hyper-action and big impressive Ken Adam-style sets. Wow, just wow.

What’s really cool with Shaan is that it works so well, even if the genre-mix is quite extreme and can feel abrupt for the Hollywood-fan. Much must be blamed on the excellent cast, especially the trio of Bachchan, Kapoor and Dutt, who all three are so cool and has enough charisma to put the best action star to shame. Dutt, here 51 years old, acts out he was Superman or something. Falls from great heights without a scratch, hits bad guys so the fly through the walls, get chased by 40-50 dogs and manages to escape them, etc etc. The two younger gentlemen are of course not too bad either, and kick so much Indian butt during the almost three hour length of the movie that Chuck Norris should be afraid.

Except an impressive Dirty Harry-style scene in the beginning, were Dutt alone takes care of a hostage taker, the first hour is quite low-key, with comedy and singing and dancing instead. But when the action finally starts it never lets us down. No less than three car chases (all with impressive stunts), a couple of chases, a fantastic Peckinpah-esque shoot-out at a farm when bad-guy-going-good Rakesh (Shatrughan Sinha) alone protects a family against a dozen shotgun-armed henchmen.

In the end everything explodes – and a few of those clips were later reused in Bond 303 – but here you can see it in good quality and for a miniature buff like me it’s a field day of excess! As a fan of Bond rip-offs the lair is a treasure to behold. From the awesome round table with the killer crocodile underneath (easy way to dispose clumsy co-workers) and the long space-age corridors, this is a marvel of rip-offs, among the most stylish I’ve seen outside the real Bond films.

Shaan is a fine adventure-romp, recommended!

Bond 303 (1985)

Another day, another Jamesbondish movie! The bad words I read about Bond 303 made me even more curious, because I learned to never trust the opinions about hired writers with little or no knowledge in genre cinema. I’m happy I didn’t believe the opinions out there, ‘cause Bond 303 feels like essential viewing for aficionados of world weird cinema. This is not Jeetendra’s first venture into Bondland, He got his big break with 1967’s (THE year of Bond rip-offs!) Farz as Agent 116. He returned several times to the world of espionage, ladies and action – but maybe never as far-out like this big slice of Indian cheese.

Terrorist attacks all over the world. Planes, trains, houses are blown to kingdom come by unknown rockets! The one to call is India’s super agent Bond 303! When the first meet him he’s occupied with a dozen ladies and they all burst out in an intensive sing- and dance number! Bond 303 befriends a young smart scientist, played by the cool Parveen Babi (who later, tragic enough, became very mentally ill and accused more or less everyone for trying to kill her. She died of complications from diabetes in 2005) and they start to gather information about the evil organization behind it all. But someone wants to stop them and sooner than you can say “curry” they are in grave danger!

I read somewhere that it’s important that Indian movies deliver “entertainment”. They should give the audience a good laugh, some sexy men and women, song and dance, scares and action – all in the same film. Not every Indian production are built after this format, but Bond 303 is definitely a good – no – GREAT example of how an Indian (in this case, a Hindi) movie can be. Colorful and filled of energy, this is one of those movies that cuts down on boring scenes and goes from action to dance to action and a chase to some romance and more action. It never waste one second on something people won’t pay to see, like an original script or convincing special effects. But in the whole, that’s pretty uninteresting.

For me who just loves LEGO hair cuts and sudden changes in the storyline, Bond 303 is a dream come true. For example, one sequences almost perfectly copies the dog scene from The Omen, you all know on the graveyard. But instead of our hero finding a Jackal skeleton in the grave he finds a secret passageway, which leads to an underground temple were he and his comic relief is attacked by living life-size statues! Well, I guess they’re statues anyway. They are stiff when they’re not moving at least. This is of course totally absurd, but it obvious has some purpose to the story because they kill a suspect terrorist down there. In another scene one character flees from Bond 303, but instead of get the hell out of there he finds himself a grotesque monkey-monster suit (it looks more like one of the Goblins in Troll 2, but taller and more Bigfootish) and attacks Bond 303 dressed in this, roaring like it was no tomorrow. Genius, god damn genius!

Bond 303 also has super strength when he jumps from a high rise building and lands on his feet and continues to run. Everything leads to a classic Jamesbondish show-down in a huge underground lair, which is pretty impressive considering the budget.

The film has a big body count, lots of stunts and explosions, miniatures (probably stock footage), song and dance and a couple of awesome Kung Fu fights in slow-mo and probably the worst female impersonation ever committed to the screen (by our hero no less). It’s out on VCD and can easily be found. You will not regret watching it!

Operation Black Panther (1977)

Sombat Metanee was one of the biggest stars in Thailand during the seventies, and is still considered one of the most famous movies stars ever in the land of smile. What I didn’t know was that he had a talent for directing and produced a couple of major hits. One of them is Operation Black Panther, a James Bondish action-comedy complete with crazy stunts and action. The story, without subtitles, was a bit hard to understand but what I could figure out is that he’s supposed to be some secret agent/police/detective who live with his parents. Or at least terrorize them from time to time with pranks.

Now he’s going to infiltrate a big crime organization and to test his reliability he’s going to perform an assassination for them. But instead of doing he’s flees and a now they’re after him because he’s the only one knowing who they are and were they have their secret base! Somehow, along the way, Sombat get a female colleague, played by Aranya Namwong, who joins him in his fight against the Black Panther organization!

Operation Black Panther is made with a big juicy tongue firmly placed in the cheek. The whole pre-credits sequence is filled with “borrowed” footage from a Pink Panther cartoon, which also makes me think this is a reference to the Inspector Clouseau films with Peter Sellers and the rest of the movie is easy going. The only instance of something darker is when Sombat is breaking into the organizations secret base and tries to kill guards with strangling them, which creates a couple of very funny and black moments of comedy.

But most of the movie is spent on action and it boasts a couple of very creative moments. The first chase is with Sombat’s doubled-fronted car and then goes over to motorcycle. Lots of fast driving in a city I believe is Bangkok and a couple of very nice stunts. A few fights later and we’re treated to a very fun mini-chase with the car in a garage, were Sombat and Aranya take turns driving the car from the opposite side. Ah… fuck it, I’ve stolen a screenshot from the brilliant DIE, DANGER, DIE, DIE, KILL! to make it clearer:


The ending also has one of the worst miniatures since Amando de Ossorio’s The Ghost Galleon, but at least it’s easy to forget in the scene after when a nice explosion lights up the effect quality of the movie!

I’ve noticed, just as a detail, that Sombat has a tendency to strip almost naked in a lot of movies I’ve seen with him. Nothing bad with that, just a good thing, because he’s obviously the fittest Thai star of the seventies and isn’t afraid to show off his biceps and wide chest! He was popular both among women and men, and Sombat knew this "I never thought of acting, but I was good-looking, smart; I had sex appeal” – and that alone can create a career. The only difference was that he could act also, and direct – which he proven clearly with this entertaining piece of Thai popcorn-culture!

Operation Kid Brother (1967)

Also known as OK Connerty, Operation Kid Brother is one of those Italian James Bond rip-offs, but a bit more ambitious regarding the casting. First of they have Neil Connery, Sean’s real younger brother, playing the younger brother to the worlds best agent 00… yeah, they never finish his name. His boss is Bernard Lee, Louise Maxwell is his assistant, Anthony Dawson a bad guy, Adolfo Celi the main baddie and Daniela Bianchi as the woman!

I think the official plot summary on IMDB quite clearly explains the confusing plot: “The evil crime syndicate Thanatos is bent on taking over the world, using a magnetic wave generator that will cause all metal-based machinery to grind to a halt.” Yeah, sounds like another Bond movie and except for having a slightly lower budget it feels like a Bond movie in many ways. Not only the cast, but the locations, the underground lair of the Adolfo Celi and the nice score by Morricone and Nicolai. Also several references is made to the original Bond franchise and Ian Flemming, but I can’t say it’s a spoof. The story is quite straight forward serious and the comedy is not especially visible.

Neil Connery has gotten a lot of slack for his performance in Operation Kid Brother, but I felt now when I finally was watching it again that he’s quite decent – a lot better than some people said before. He’s obviously not as used to the camera as his brother, but looks good and handles both dialogue (I think, because he’s dubbed) and the action very well. I wonder why he has a beard, looks like a fake beard to. Could it be to just make him look a little bit different than Sean? Was it a legal thing? They have a short dialogue about his beard, and with the explanation that he’s very fond of his beard and refuse to shave it.

The main star is, of course, the director Alberto De Martino, a guy that for many years was regarded like some kinda hack by “fans” out there who just did see a couple of his last movies. Personally I think De Martino still is one of the more competent and personal genre directors from Italy. There’s no one who can deny the amazing quality of Blazing Magnum, the excellent The Omen rip-off Holocaust 2000 (I consider it in parts better than the first Omen movie and way better than the sequels), the fantastic Antichrist, the ultra-cool Medusa vs. the Son of Hercules and a lot of other movies in every genre possible.

He creates a slick movie, filled with action and energy. The script might be confusing and a bit drawn out, but when the action hits it hits hard and fun. The ending, with a fraction of the budget of a real Bond movie, still has an underground base, explosions, a high body count, a fun idea with attacking the base armed with arrows!

Never released officially on DVD, it’s only available on a decent looking bootleg – fullscreen and mastered from VHS. It’s still a nice addition to the collection and a eurospy movie which deserves a little bit more respect than it gotten so far.

Interpol 009 (1967)

Ching Tang is Chen Tien Hung, agent 009! Yes, even Shaw Brothers tried their luck in the spy-business in the sixties, inspired by the James Bond franchise of course. The Italians did hundreds of them, Turkey had their The Golden Boy series and even in Sweden we were treated to Åsa-Nisse i Agentform which managed to do the fire truck-scene from View to a Kill twenty years before Roger Moore did it. Still a shit movie, even if it was predecessor! But back to Interpol 009, a good-looking but not too exciting adventure…

Agent 009 is having the time of his life with a couple of bikini-dressed women on a beach somewhere when he gets the call that they found two dead bodies in the water. One of them is Chinese and he’s sent on a mission to Hong Kong to investigate an organisation that produces counterfeit money. But the bad guys are on his tail and he’s forced to pick a fight with the police to be able to find a secure place for a while. There he meets a pick-pocket that becomes his friend and companion in solving the mystery!

First of all, Margaret Tu Chuan is a fantastic choice as the main baddie. She had that psychotic look, extremely good actress and a very beautiful. Two years later she committed suicide together with her lover and it’s a damn pity. Ching Tang is good as 009, but feels even more lightweight than Roger Moore in the role as a super agent, but his charm and wits make up for it. There’s actually not much action in Interpol 009, and the big action scene comes towards the end, a good and massive shoot-out in a big house + a nice chase during the final minutes, but other than that it’s very little in the action department.

What Interpol 009 is about is nice locations, beautiful people, gadgets and some broad comedy between 009 and his comic sidekick, the pick-pocket. I wonder what would have happen if Shaw Brothers fused Bond with kung fu, for real, not just like a small detail. That would have been very interesting. Because I really miss the action and the muddled plot made it easy to go out in the kitchen and grab something to eat without really missing something important.

In the end I liked Interpol 009, mostly for the style and atmosphere, which can make a boring movie worth watching. This is not a boring movie, but the lack of action made it less exciting than it should have been. I still recommend it to spy aficionados and collectors of the wonderful world of the weird.

James Band 007 (1980)

I knew instantly needed to own James Band 007 when I saw the awesome poster somewhere on the internet. Luckily for me, Ethaicd had a couple of copies left on VCD and I ordered it directly. And after I saw it I found an original poster for it on eBay, but that’s a whole other story. First of all, I love Bond parodies, rip-offs and homages from all over the world. Thailand had a couple of films similar to Bond since earlier, and even Jao Insee, on of Chaibancha’s Red Eagle films feels a lot like a Bond film. But James Band was obviously not just a rip-off, but a pure parody with everything a “real” Bond movie should have.

Thai comedian Thep Thienchai, famous for his less than beautiful face an toothless grin, plays a lazy tourist chauffeur, driving one of those rickshaw-style bicycle vehicles in Pattaya. One day the Thai James Bond hires him to take him somewhere nearby, but it’s upwards all the way and Thep just can’t drive fast enough – which the bad guys use and kills Bond! Well, before he dies he gives Thep his briefcase with gadgets and whispers to him to continue the mission and save the world. He quickly takes over the role of super-agent and somehow fools everyone that he’s the real Bond! One girl is convinced he has a rubbermask on, but fails to rip of his face! On an island sits this movie’s Dr Evil, played by veteran comedian Lor Tok, with his two stupid robots – R2D2 and C3PO! Yes, the Star Wars characters! He also has a lot of henchmen, one of them the legendary Pipop Pupinyo (which is famous for his bald head and big moustache). Will Thep succeed, or will Dr Evil use his death ray against more airplanes in the sky?

James Band 007 is a cheap and crude parody, but is surprisingly funny – even without subtitles! Shot in a Pattaya not destroyed by tourists, it has plenty of beautiful locations, fancy hotel rooms and chases and fights all over the place. With a budget being quite low the movie relies a lot on the presence of Thep Thienchai, whose rubber face was a popular sight in Thailand for many years. He died in 1994. With the comedy much being physical there’s also a lot of funny situations. My favourite is the lizard-head Thep wears on top of his head when he’s swimming ashore on the island. Clearly a nod to Goldfinger were Bond has a bird on his head, but this time the animal won’t stay quiet and Thep is finally forced to bury it under sand and rocks to stop it from revealing his presence!

The robots are another very odd detail with the film. Build with more primitive materials than the original, and also very stupid and the R2D2 also seem a bit to horny! They also have a tendency to get into fights with each other, or just behaving very badly – much to the annoyance of Lor Tok! James Band 007 also takes a nasty turn when he’s so warm in the 007 clothes that he starts to kill the bad guys, with knife and gun and once – poor Pipop – with crushing a head! It’s not really bloody, but way more violent than other comedies I’ve seen that spoofs James Bond.

The soundtrack is filled with stolen tracks from a lot of Bond films and also has a more pop-ish, disco-esque version of the Star Wars theme! I don’t think there’s any original music in the whole movie, which only makes it even more entertaining.

James Band 007 is a colourful, funny and totally mad comedy which still works great! I would love to see a DVD release someday, not that the VCD is bad – it’s very good – but I would like to see it in even better quality!





(Thanks Chanchana for the screenshots!)

OSS 117 - Lost in Rio (2009)

I rarely write about comedies here at Ninja Dixon, but sometimes a movie is so good and charming that it's hard not to. OSS 117 - Lost in Rio is the second of the new series of movies with the master-spy of France himself, Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath. The first (OSS 117 - Cairo, Nest of Spies) one came in 2006 and of course Jean Dujardin is back as the slightly stupid, racist, old-fashioned who treats women like pieces of meat and his missions like paid vacations.

Now, these movies are very different from other parodies like Austin Powers. First of all, they're a lot funnier and they never step outside the movies they celebrate. OSS 117 still looks exactly like a movie from the sixties, from the cinematography, editing, costumes, make-up, storylines... yes, everything. What differs is that they of course is a bit absurder and has broader comedy. Like the first one, Lost in Rio, looks and feels amazing. Jean Dujardin could have been one of those actors who actually did real spy-movies during that time: he's handsome, charismatic and knows how to dance. In this new adventure OSS 177 goes to Rio to work together with the Mossad, though he have a difficult time to understand what the nazis actually did to the jews. He's after Von Zimmel (Rüdiger Vogler), a nazi that has a list of French nazi co-workers during the war (which surprises OSS 117 totally, that the French could work with the enemy!). Von Zimmel also has two mexican wrestlers as bodyguards, Zantrax and Blue Devil!

But the biggest problem is that OSS 117 has to work together with a woman, a sexy Colonel of the Israeli army, Dolorès Koulechov (Louise Monot)! Could this be the end of our favorite spy, or can he survive his mission even with a women as his equal?

This is very, very, very funny. But I guess it's most funny for us who's actually seen a lot of these sixties spy-movies, not only Bond of course. But from Italy and France. The humor is quite subtle sometimes, but can suddenly be pure visual slapstick (for example the fight between OSS 117 and Blue Devil or when our hero is shot at during a lenghty sequence). A nice touch, who's also based on the real production company of the movie, is that Lost in Rio seem to be one of those typical Hong Kong-European co-productions from the time, complete with a nice logo for the asian company. You'll understand when you see it.

The best thing is that this one, like the first one, never get's to big or expensive. It never becomes modern with the action, with huge action-sequences or visible special effects. The story is still how it could have been in the sixties and the action is mostly smaller shoot-outs, fistfights and of course car-chases with back-projection.

Even if OSS 117 is quite a bastard, very stupid and egocentrical man with some very strange views on everyone else then French people, he's played with such love and passion by Dujardin that it's hard to dislike him. He even get's a chance to taste some man-love in this one!

Even better than the first one, this is a movie that I will revisit many times. Can't wait for the third part!

(and I just can't stop laughing at the crocodile-BBQ-scene...)

Operation Bangkok (1967)

Operation Bangkok is an awesome Thai/Hong Kong co-production from 1967. Starring the only and only, Mitr Chaibancha and leading ladies Regina Pai Ping and (of course) Petchara Chaowarath, this a action-packed, fun and visually strong action movie with enough kitch for everyone. No subtitles of course, but Chaibancha's character seem to go undercover (as usual) in some crime organization and gets in to a lot of fistfights, always with a perfect hair cut. Yes, except a slower half-hour during the last hour of the movie (it's almost two hours long), this is a damn effective and good-looking piece of action cinema. There's more the one fistfight, often violent and with excellent editing. Shoot-outs, car-chase with helicopter, a fight on a speeding boat and even more fistfights!

Shot on what looks like 35 mm, it look less cramped than some of Chaibancha's 16 mm-movies from the same era, and the co-production with Hong Kong probably brought a lot more money into the production than usual. It's also shot in Hong Kong, some parts at least, and boats a big cast of cool actors. The production is slick and looks like a much bigger movie than it probably was, and the only thing that makes this film suffer is the very scratcy master - but still, it's probably the only version left and this is as good as it ever will look nowadays.

Chaibancha is as usual an excellent leading actor, and this time he's also paired with another guy who I don't know the name of, but he has a great face and has a lot of chemistry together with Mitr. One of the fights in the end, where both of them are fighting each other in some old warehouse is one of the action-highlights of this charmer of a movie. Another wonderful thing is the cool music numbers. Because this movie is set in couple of different nightclubs, so there's always a new Thai-pop/beat group playing on stage, probably real groups doing cameos. Most of the time we're allowed to see the whole numbers too, so it's a great way of watching kitchy Thai-versions of western pop/rock/beat!

I have a lot of good things to say about Operation Bangkok, because it deserves it. Even with out subtitles and with a constant rain of scratches, this is one of the best and coolest Chaibancha-movie I've seen so far.

Jao Insee (1968)

I'm sure this movie was a big hit in 1968. Jao Insee, the fourth sequel in Mitr Chaibancha's series about the masked crime-fighter Red Eagle. He died shooting the next part, but I wonder if this isn't the best so far in the franchise. As usual I've seen it without subtitles, but the story is simple enough. Someone is killing important people in Thailand, everyone with a knife in their chest or back - adorned by a little white skull on the handle. Rom Ritthikrai (Mitr Chaibancha) and his assistant Oy (the lovely Pissamai Wilaisuk) witnesses one of the killings in a nightclub and he decides to help the police. He goes undercover as a criminal and gets a job, working for a leading gangster. Somehow the killings lead to him - but Red Eagle soon finds out that someone else is after him - not just the mysterius leader of the crime organization, but also a man with a strange rubber mask that seem to know who Red Eagle actually are...




Okey, I'll confess there's a lot I don't understand - but the even if the movie is over two hours long, it keeps up the pace and delivers a lot of nice fistfights, shoot-outs, cool and beautiful people, some silly comedy and a little bit more action. The action is quite well executed too, and Chaibancha handles the fighting and guns (huge bodycount by the way!) like he was born with a action hero! But after over 250 movies at this part of his career behind him, I guess he knew how to do it like a pro! With the fistfights and the secret lair underground, it's clearly inspired by James Bond - but Chaibancha has a lot of charm and his character - alcoholic by day and crimefighter by night - works excellent. You could say that he plays three different roles in this movie: first himself, the drunk Rom Rittihkrai, then the tough and beefed criminal with a three day stubble and finally the very violent and brave Red Eagle.




When watching a movie like this you might notice that the dubbing, music and sound effects are a bit generic. The voice actors like to overdo their manly deep voices when it comes to the heroes, and whine like rats when the henchmen talks. The music is very anonymous, and all this is because it was dubbed and sound mixed many years later. Either the sound was lost over the years, or that it just didn't have any sound when it was released. It was instead live actors doing the voices in the theater! So what you hear and see is what you get. The prints are often very deteriorated, and a lot of frames are missing - which can be a bit comical sometimes.

But if those things don't disturb you, I'll recommend you give Mitr Chaibancha and the Red Eagles-series a chance. Because it's great action-packed fun!

Altin çocuk (1966)

So, finally it has arrived: Altin çocuk, Onar Films latest release - and it's a packed DVD! Only a limited release, 500 numbered copies, this will be a collectors item. And not only because it's such a small release, but because it's a darn entertaining Turkish take on our favorite agent 007. But this time it's boyish superstar Göksel Arsoy as Golden Boy and longtime villain in Turkish cinema, Altan Günbay, as the Blofeld-esque baddie.

The movie starts like all movies should start, with a striptease. A woman is dancing/pleasing herself in front of a mirror, until Golden Boy himself comes into the picture and kisses her, and this goes one for the whole pre-credit sequence. Suddenly a man in a diver gear comes into the house and kills Golden Boy! But don't worry, it's only a double that's being killed, an enemy agent trying to get some secret information... and the man in the diver gear is the real Golden Boy.

The Turkish secret service awards him with a nice trip to London, where he literally seem to have one girl in every corner. He just drives around in his fancy sports car, drops one girl of and pick another one up! He ends up with a Swedish blonde at a hotel and just enjoys life. But a colleague in Turkey gets killed trying to inform their bosses about a terrible plan! Four women are escorting Golden Boy to the airport, and off he goes to new adventures.

It's of course the bald Altan Günbay (complete with a white cat in his lap) who's gonna destroy Turkey with a nuclear explosion, and the only one that can stop him is... yes, you guessed it... Golden Boy!

In a way there's not much going on in this movie. The plot is primitive and easy to follow, Golden Boys walks and drives around, gets into fights and shoot-outs, saves women, have sex with them, they get killed and he continues his hunt for the bald baddie. But at the same time it's an effective story, there's no boring scenes, just stuff that we wants to see in a spy-movie like this. It's like a Bond-movie on a hard diet. Chases, fights, semi-nudity, nice locations and an evil bald mastermind with a white cat. I love it. Yes, even a Swedish Bond-gal! Sorry, Golden Boy-gal!

Yeah, the budger are lower than most of the Italian movies in the same genre, but except the language there's not much difference really. It looks good, and the director Memduh Ün stretches the budget, and there's a lot of creative editing and angles, which makes this Turksploitation a lot more slicker than some of the other examples from the same era. Göksel Arsoy is in most of the scenes in the movie, and he's an odd Bond-copy. He looks like a mix between Jon Voight, William Shatner, Conan O'Brien and a school boy, and yes... a bit wimpy. But he's great in the action scenes and confident with the ladies, but it takes a bit of time to get used to his presence.   
What's really cool is that Onar Films has dug up a wonderful print. It has some print damage, and misses a frame or two here and there - but the sharpness, the contrast. Most of the time this movie looks and sounds great. Remember that it's a very obscure movie too, so a DVD like this is a dream!

As usual with Onar Films there's a lot of interesting extras. First of all we have two new trailers, once for a lost Kilink-movie which looks very interesting and dark. It's basically one scene, and it's a grim scene. I don't want to tell to much, watch it yourself. The second one is for Ringo Gestapo'ya Karsi, which looks extremely absurd. There's cowboys in it, and a member of the gestapo... and some whipping. And action. And more cowboys! I have to see it! Turkish Intrigue is a good article about Turkish spy-movies and then there's the usual filmographies and biographies. But the best thing is a 16 minute interview with Altan Günbay, who talks about his work in Turkish cinema. He starred in at least 140 movies (most of them as a villain) and tells how he was forced by producers to keep his shaved head for movie after movie, how he later found out that he was in a Sean Connery-movie and the state of Turkish movies today. Great little interview, and it's hard to believe that this nice old man was spitted at, got chairs hurled after him and a lot more because he always played the villain. 

After thinking a little bit, the final of the movie echoes The World Is Not Enough a lot. Both have the finale in Istanbul, in the bay, close to a house/castle on an island. Golden Boy/Bond goes underwater to stop the nuclear device to explode. After this Golden Boy also breaks the fourth wall and speaks directly to the audience with tongue in cheek and a smile. Just like Lazenby later did in On Her Majesty's Secret Service...

Altin çocuk is a cool movie and the DVD is great, so don't hesitate, buy it at Onar Films now!

The Girl from Rio (1969)

Richard Wyler is Jeff Sutton, who many people believes is carrying ten million dollars when he's arriving to Rio. One of the believers is master criminal Sir Masius (George Sanders) who with his army of henchmen in hearses is trying to get the money. But more dangerous is Sumuru (Shirley Eaton), the crazy woman who lives in her all female city of Femina and want's to rule the world! Now both of them wants Suttons money, but maybe that was the plan all the time, because big money is big bait...

Wow, this was one fun Jess Franco-movie! A sequel to Lindsay Shonteff's The Million Eyes of Sumuru from 1967, The Girl from Rio manages to make a lot of entertainment with probably very little money. We have the good old Franco working, with lot's of pointless zooms and out-of-focus shots. But it's not that much, because most of the movie is a gorgeous and fantastic-looking spy/thriller/kitch/action-story with Franco showing his best. That man knows how to point a camera, and he likes stylish wide shots - as usual - and lot's of half-naked women. 

There's a few fights and chase scenes and all of them are competent and echoes of James Bond and all the other colorful action movies from that time. But they obviously didn't have money to use blanks, so every time someone shoots it's off screen, just with sound effects. The final is extra cheap, and if they didn't say that the places was blowing to pieces, I would just think it was some extra abstract editing and Franco being a little more creative than usual! But still, it looks damn good and the Rio-locations are beautiful. 

The actors have a lot of too. George Sanders (who took suicide a couple of years after) seem to enjoy himself surrounded with young sexy women, Richard Wyler (who I haven't noticed in a movie before) is a cool and macho hero with tongue in cheek and hair on his chest. Most of the women are quite anonymous, except Shirley Eaton who is brilliant as Sumara (they use another name in the movie, very similar, but I can't remember it now), both sexy, funny and cool. A pity this was her last movie. She gave up on showbiz after this to spend time with her family instead. A wise decision for, but not for us.

I read a lot of negative reviews of The Girl from Rio, some people even call it incompetent and lousy. Nothing can be more wrong. This is a fun, happy action movie with everything you need a boring Sunday-morning.