Dying God (2008)

I rarely waste time writing about movies I don’t like. I just don’t see the point doing that. I rather spend some time hyping production I think deserves a bigger audience. When it comes to Dying God, an Argentine production from 2008, I really hesitated to even finish watching it because what I saw was so worthless it would just be depressing telling you all about it. So why the hell does I do this? Why the hell do I waste your time? Take my hand and I will show you…

In an unnamed city, probably in Argentina, someone – or something – is killing of the prostitutes in the most brutal ways. Alcoholic and general bastard cop Sean Fallon (James Horan, TV and voice-actor star) takes the case because he knows the brutal life on the streets the best. At the same time the leaders of the gangs, including Lance Henriksen in a wheelchair, tries to stop the killer themselves, but what can they do against a mythological creature, ready to impregnate every woman it sees?

Yeah, what could they do? Probably just burn it or throw a hand-grenade at it, but no one think that far. It’s not a supernatural creature, just a monster/animal that bleeds – and if it bleeds, it can die. The first hour is so boring, and the photo is flat and uninspired. It does not help that the HK DVD is of such crappy quality that it looks like the film is shot with a vintage VHS camera.

The worst crime the filmmakers are guilty of here is the lack of entertainment. You have a monster with a huge cock raping and killing women, and what we get is like a zero-budget episode of CSI (not that I’ve seen any episode of that show…) with unlikable characters doing uninteresting stuff. I like the locations, gritty and realistic, and it could have been much better if they just threw away the arty-farty crappy pretentious drama-bullshit and went for an all-out monster-movie. For example, James Horan isn’t a bad actor – but the character he’s playing is so damn uninteresting. The first scenes with Lance Henriksen sets him up like another wasted cameo, but he actually gets more to do during the last half-hour and manages to feel a bit inspired rolling around in his wheelchair.

So what’s the reason for watching this piece of shit? Three words: Man in suit. The monster, a very eighties creation, looks quite good (but cheap) and works fine in the scenes where we get a glimpse of it. It reminded me of something from Bill Malone’s monster movies from the eighties, just a bit nastier with a big slimy penis (only in one shot). With a better director those scenes could have saved the whole movie being crappy to just crap.

What about the gore? Not much, but the stuff visible is cheap and OK. An exploding head, a pregnant woman getting her child ripped out from her belly, a few stabbings and a bashed head against a wall. It looks OK, but hardly something to remember.

Dying God is a bad movie, but even worse: a boring movie. Avoid if you’re not very much into cheap monsters and even cheaper gore.