Monday, June 6, 2011

House by the Cemetery Revisited – The Christian Version (2010)

Last years this abomination of Christian propaganda was released (or unleashed) on DVD and download and to be honest, House by the Cemetery Revisited – The Christian Version is probably the worst piece of shit I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a few crappy productions. But still, I like watching wrecked religious propaganda, especially as harmless as this one.

What we have here is Lucio Fulci’s “italion” masterpiece House by the Cemetery, re-edited and raped by a guy named Jeff Teck. Why? I have no idea, but he obviously does not know shit about editing, spelling and hell yeah, even propaganda! Most of the gore is cut, there’s pointless signs with messages (think “silent movie”) with a burning background – often with more fucked up spelling problems than you can find on my own blog here. Big chunks of the story are gone and in one place, which is absurdly funny, a new voice-over is added to enhance the Christian message of this former splatter-classic.

The DVD is a terrible non-anamorphic low-resolution version of House with some terrible digital artefacts, which of course makes this disaster even more entertaining. But wait, it’s actually worth watching just because how crappy it is. It’s rarely a recommend a movie because of this, but this is especially fun for atheists like me, who wants to make fun of religious wackos or just people who want to see their favourite horror movie raped beyond recognition.

After 52 minutes of pure shit Mr Teck finally hits the big time with probably the craziest ending I’ve seen since Takashi Miike’s Dead or Alive 2: Birds. He also dubbed in his own voice again in the final together with some fantastic home-made digital effects and the worst... ah, I don’t want to spoil that last minute of ending for you. Don’t buy it, find a free download somewhere and enjoy this important part of Christian propaganda history!

A special thanks go to Jocke over at RUBBERMONSTERFETISHISM for lending me this masterpiece.


forestofthedead said...

Ugh, just ugh.

CiNEZiLLA said...

what is this crazy fucking shit.

how come his site fucking stalled my mac with a million goddamned popup windows for other shit I don't want to know about...
...because jesus boy has sold his soul! Only a true Christian would market others trash to make a profit, be it by links or by re-cutting someone else's work.

When he dies, I'll make sure he get's House By The Cemetery uncut, full version, Japanese VHS 24/7 for the rest of time.